Hopefully a Tough Lesson Learned

When I was at my sisters last week Beth got up on her own, did her own hair and got out the door on time. But often when I'm here she depends on me too much. I know most of that is my fault.

So I've decided to let her continue to do things on her own. I got up this morning at 7:00 - out of habit - but busied myself in the kitchen, watered some plants, when I realized she wasn't even up yet. I started to go downstairs to check on her but then I remembered. 😊

She came upstairs a few minutes later, and you could tell she had just woken up. I stayed in the kitchen to watch for the bus (they ring the doorbell and we still had three people asleep) and I poked my head out the door when it arrived a few minutes later. The driver asked if Beth was ready and I told her I would check. She held up five fingers, "I can only wait five minutes." 

Beth was back downstairs by now so I went down - she was dressed and fixing her lunch. I told her the bus needed to leave by 7:27.

Beth never learned to tell time with an analog clock. They taught it in school, I have workbooks here at home that I would have her do. And in fact, I still have some of those books and worked with her on them even a few years ago. But it's something she just never grasped. 

(I was going to write how it took her 30 minutes to finally get ready but by then her bus had come and gone. She stood at the window just staring out at the empty driveway, then turned and went downstairs.) 

But there's a complete change in story now. I thought she just didn't set her alarm last night. But as I was writing the italicized paragraph she sent me a text:

'my alarm is 7:23   and my microwave too your oven and microwave is backward.'

I went downstairs and sure enough the time was 8:11 but her alarm clock and microwave read 7:15. I asked her if there was a power outage while I was at Aunt Debbie's and she shrugged her shoulders. 

So now I feel horrible that she missed her bus. It's things like this that make me realize we need help. I want to talk with her case worker about putting her on a different waiver with the state, and that will give us more support. Someone who will come in and help her with hygiene issues, help her clean her apartment, and even take her on fun outings. 

I guess I'm the one who's learning a tough lesson this morning.

Waves

 There is a school bus that stops in front of our house and when I saw the parents waiting with their kids this morning, a wave of nostalgia washed over me.

I was taken back to the 80's and 90's when my kids were in school. Beth was the only one who regularly rode a school bus and she started riding when she was only two. She rode the bus until she was 21, when she aged out of the school district. 

In high school Sharaya rode a transit bus. The students got free passes and thankfully it stopped just two blocks from our house. The trees were much smaller then and I could see the bus stop - and her - from our bathroom window. I still remember watching her each morning.

In elementary school Diana and her friends would walk backward down the street waving at me until they couldn't see me anymore. I can still hear them laughing as eventually I could only see their arms waving in the air.

With my dad

Today I occasionally pick up my GRANDdaughter from middle school! Time is just going way too fast.

Assaulted - One of the Hazards of His Job

Chuck came home from work early on Tuesday because he had been assaulted while on the bus!

 

 2019

 

 

He drives for Metro here in Seattle and he had pulled up to a bus stop where a guy was waiting to get on. He didn't stop to pay the fare, just went to the back of the bus and sat down. Chuck wondered if he had just stolen all the unbagged food he had in his arms.

 

Thankfully there wasn't anyone else on the bus.

 

He drove off to the next stop but the guy got up and yelled at him to pull over. Chuck pointed to the next stop and told him he'd pull over up there.

 

The guy crawled under the barrier at the front of the bus and punched him just above his right eye! 

 

He was able to pull over and open the doors and the guy took off. Chuck called his supervisor and a few minutes later a fire truck and aid car pulled up. They checked him out but he felt fine and didn't want to go to the hospital. He gave his supervisor a description of the guy. Plus, those buses have cameras everywhere so they'll have videos of him.

 

He's had a few close calls with riders but had never been physically hurt. Until now. He went to the doctor the next day and nothing is broken. They did tests on his eye as well and everything is okay. He took the rest of this week off and will go back on Monday. Halloween. He's going to wear his Seattle Kracken jersey, they're our hockey team. 😄

 

You can see the progression over the last few days. The huge bump above the eye on the day it happened. Then the swelling went down pretty quickly and the bruise appeared.

 

 

Thankfully he hasn't had any pain, although the area above the eye is pretty tender. I'm so grateful nothing was broken!

Various Updates

 I realize I haven't kept you updated on things going on around here.

First of all, Chuck's MRI came out clean. He's still cancer free!

 

Thank you for the ideas on the card game. Pokeno was the only one I recognized but after googling the games, I didn't remember the rules of any of them! The way Ally and I play it is a lot like Pokeno though. 

 

The email subscriptions: I've started adding everyone to my blog list but it might take a while to get all of you on it. Please forgive me if I haven't commented on your posts in a while.

 

I've been enjoying these quiet summer months. Work is about to get super busy so I'm taking Fridays off while I can and I'm loving having two days off in a row! It makes a huge difference!

 

Beth overslept on Monday and missed her bus to All Aboard. I think she set her alarm for PM instead of AM. She texted me at work about the time her bus was supposed to arrive. She's usually really good about being upstairs and ready so I expect the driver waited the required 5 minutes then left. That's not the first time that's ever happened to a driver! 

 

Sharaya and Ally will be moving soon. They found a place about 10-15 minutes from here, a two story, two bedroom condo. Ally was showing me some pictures and it's really cute. It has a fireplace, a small backyard, it looks perfect for them. 

 

We all went over to Diana and Peter's for lunch a couple weeks ago. They took us out to their garden. They share it with their neighbors, one side for them and the other for the neighbors. They have zucchini, bell peppers, tomatoes cucumbers, pumpkins, various spices... and we've loved reaping the benefits of their hard work!

 

 

 Just some of their harvest

 

 The bunnies sure have been multiplying lately. There are so many in the backyard now, I'm wondering if we should be doing something to control them. I saw these three out last night: it's hard to see but there's a tiny one just in front of mom's nose.

 

 

Then this other little guy hopped closer to me

 

Mom was checking on the rabbit hole.

I don't know if there's more in there!

 

I know there were some living under a bush in a different part of the yard, I don't know if it's the same bunnies or a whole new family. I'm starting to get a little concerned. Do they eventually move on? Are they here for the long term? Have you encountered bunnies in your yard?
 

Rough Morning

I always get up at 7am on Wednesdays (my day off from work) to help Beth with her hair and when my alarm went off this morning I could tell she wasn't up yet.

I went downstairs to find her still in bed, Cpap machine was off, her phone was on the bed next to her and she was snoring. This was 45 minutes after she should have been up! And usually her phone is charging on her desk on the other side of the room.

She doesn't oversleep very often but when I come down to wake her up she immediately realizes she's overslept and throws her covers off. Today she just laid there and rubbed her eyes. I encouraged her to wake up because her bus would be here soon! 

Now remember, the word 'hurry' is not in Beth's vocabulary. I've spoken to other moms and it's the same way with their daughters who have Down Syndrome. It's just very hard for Beth to move fast. She has done it, but it's not something she can do when she's being told to move. I don't know if it's her being stubborn or if there's a true disconnect in the neutrons in her brain. Anyway, it took her 15 minutes to come upstairs and then she went into the bathroom. Ten minutes later her phone rang, it was DART telling her they're on their way.

To keep this short, let's just say I wasn't very pleasant this morning. The driver is standing at the front door as Beth slowly gets her vitamin, picks up her phone, remembers (out loud) that she didn't get to brush her teeth, heads back to the bathroom to get a hairbrush... and I was trying to literally push her out the door. (The driver can leave without her after just 5 minutes...)

She finally gets out the door, no silly smile on her way to the bus, no look back as it's pulling out of the driveway... oh well. My girls are old enough that I know these days come and go and it doesn't destroy them. In our family we've never stayed mad for very long.

So it made me smile when I got this text this afternoon:

'i am so sorry about happen today this morning'

I told her I was sorry for getting mad at her and that I loved her. 💖

It will be good to talk with her when she gets home. 

Metro Rodeo

Chuck drives a city bus and every year they have what they call a Rodeo, where the drivers can take the buses through an obstacle course. A few weekends ago we sat outside on bleachers and cheered and moaned as they ran over cones and others just barely squeezed through tight spaces.

Then they took a break and we all ate a free lunch from Famous Dave's BBQ food truck. Oh it was so good!

The sun came out, they had a car show, free drinks... Chuck and I don't do stuff like this very often and we really had a great time!

They had a very old bus parked out there and we got to go in and check it out. 

 

The comparison between the old and the new was amazing! 

 

 

It's definitely not a desk job!

 

In the drivers seat of a 60' articulated bus.

 A clever play on words!

Chuck didn't participate this year but he's thinking about it for 2020!

 

 Ooops!

 I don't know how they drive those things! I was nervous just watching them!

Independence is the Goal but Not Always the Outcome

We strive for independence. We try to teach so she can do it herself one day. We're patient as she struggles and struggles and then one day... success! Independence is achieved in that area! But one area Beth will never have independence in, is transportation.

The DART bus takes her where she needs to go for the most part, but anything spur of the moment? She's dependent on us.

If she gets home from work and remembers she needs something from the store? She has to ask us and hope we're willing to take her.

If she opens her fridge and sees she's out of something, she has to wait until we're going to the store before she can go too.

Have you ever been dependent on someone else for your transportation? It's a very humbling situation to be in. To always be asking, sometimes pleading for them to take you somewhere? You know you're putting them out, asking them to go out of their way to accommodate you and that's so hard!

I've been trying to take her places right when she asks. Even if the last thing I want to go is put my shoes back on, get back in the car and drive somewhere, I'm doing it.

Last night Diana took her to... actually I don't remember where they went. Target? The mall? Wherever they went, it was somewhere fun. As Beth says, "There's shopping, then there's 'shopping for fun'!" I think Beth bought a movie and a CD. Movies and music are her life!

Chuck worked at Centurylink for 19 years and took the Metro bus to work almost every day of those years while I took our van to work. When they closed his department, he got a job driving for Metro! Ironically, he can't take the bus to work anymore. Here in Seattle, you can't take the bus, to drive the bus. Hmm, I did not know that.

So Chuck took the van and I... walked. It's only about a mile but I was very limited in what I wanted to carry with me back and forth to work. Sometimes Diana would drive me, I asked friends at work for rides occasionally, but that was hard to do, ask people for rides. We've since bought a second car but walking back and forth to work reminded me what dependence feels like.

Dependency is hard, but in some ways it's needed in society. Without it, others can't give of themselves. We can get pompous and proud, and being humble goes right out the window. I'm not sure where I'm going with this except to say, I'm trying to be more spontaneous when Beth needs to go somewhere. 

 

 

The Student Becomes the Teacher

Beth has been riding the DART bus now for almost 9 years. Sometimes it's 8-10 times a week, she's on and off the bus. But I've never riden the DART bus. Until today.

Chuck was driving for Starline and needed to take the van into work which left us without a reliable car to get us to the picnic. So a few days ago he suggested I just ride the bus with Beth. Of course! Why didn't I think of that? So I called and made the reservation.

To be honest I was a little nervous this morning. Chuck has taken Community Transit to work for years. Sharaya and Diana rode CT back and forth to high school. (They got discounted bus passes because our district doesn't have school buses for the high school.) And I think I've been on a transit bus 3 times in my life.

So I was asking Beth how much money I needed; was I supposed to give the money to the driver or do I put it in a machine; is there a certain seat she likes to sit in (there was). :)

 

Thanks Google!

The bus became crowded and was very loud. We sat right next to the mechanism that allows for wheelchairs and it rattled and banged at every bump in the road. The driver had a fan on and that was loud. The driver also had GPS but I don't know why because they rarely followed it. We made I don't know how many u-turns. At one point in the middle of another u-turn there was a blind man outside with his dog and we had to wait for him to get his dog out of the road. After a few minutes, a rider who was in a wheel chair began to cry and yell, "Stop it!!" I guess she was visually impaired and had heard other riders talking, heard them say the word blind and thought they were talking about her. They tried to convince her they weren't talking about her, apologized to her and asked if she forgave them. She said yes, and that was that. No more tears, the issue was over.

The picnic was fun. Lots of games and prizes, although it was colder than we would have liked. There was ring toss, bean bag toss, lawn darts... They barbequed hamburgers and hotdogs and asked everyone to bring food. Last night Beth and I made chocolate chip cookies to share. There were a lot of people there!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our bus came early because Beth has to work tonight. We finished eating then got up to wait for it. I was so afraid the driver wouldn't see us and end up leaving. I didn't want to be stuck at a park 20 miles from home. The first driver let us all off a ways from the picnic area and I didn't want the second driver to go there to wait for us. But the driver came right to the covered area and got us. The second bus was very quiet and we got home pretty fast. I should have taken a cue from Beth. She wasn't worried at all. 

Rewind Wednesday - Waiting For Her Bus

I had such a great Rewind Wednesday for you!! This morning I took a picture of Beth waiting for her DART bus to take her to karaoke and art. Then I remembered a picture of Beth when she was 5, standing on a kitchen chair, looking out the window waiting for her school bus.

Did you think I could find that picture today??

I have looked on thumb drives, in photo albums, photo boxes. I've probably spent more than an hour looking for that darn thing. Can't find it anywhere!

I'll probaby find it tomorrow when I'm looking for something completely unrelated.... like socks.

Well anyway, when Beth was 5 she was SO excited about her bus coming! She pulled a chair over to the window and crawled up on it. Sharaya was in the picture too along with a friend named Jenny. All three girls are smiling and anxious for Beth's Bus!

Fast forward to today.

She was out!! Yea, I think the excitement's worn off.

I'm Kind Of Dreading This day

Beth missed her bus again this morning. DART has already sent her one letter telling her that if she is a 'no show' one more time, they will cancel her pick ups for a few weeks.

Monday night I went downstairs at 10:00 to remind her it was time to get ready for tomorrow. Get the CD's she was gonna listen to on the bus, put her bowling ball upstairs, pick out her clothes, set her alarm, etc. Then lights out and in bed by 11:00. The dog came into our room at 2:30 AM because he had to go potty. I let him out and hear something downstairs. Beth is playing Monopoly. Full board, all the money, everything laid out in perfect piles. "Beth!! You have GOT to clean this up and go to bed!!"

Last night, 10:00 I go downstairs... you know the drill. She actually turned off the TV and got to work. Yes! Something woke me up at 1:00 this morning. It was Beth, singing. She is sitting on her couch, writing on her scratch paper, listening to her headphones, singing at the top of her lungs! "Elizabeth Meigan!! You have got to go to bed!!"

Aaarrrggg!!!

This morning just before her bus arrived, I went downstairs and she had turned off her alarm. She didn't hit snooze today. Nope, she turned it off. So.... I let her sleep. And of course, her bus came and went. I don't know what it will take for her to learn this lesson.

Being an adult doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want. It means you have to do the right thing. I think I have tried every explanation there is -

1. Mom and Dad have bosses that we have to listen to.
2. Your bus driver wakes up, gets dressed, warms up the bus just to come get you.
3. You have to wake up when your alarm clock goes off, not when your bus comes.
4. You have to watch the clock. Your bus driver makes sure he is here at 9:30.
5. You have to go to sleep at night cause in the morning you don't have a choice to sleep.

There will be no TV today until all of her chores are done. And I have a long list of chores for her to do. I'll try to keep her as busy as possible to make her as tired as possible! I came home from work yesterday at 4:30 and went downstairs to see how her day went at work. She was sitting up on her couch, remote in her hand, sound asleep. I know she's exhausted. I just don't know why she won't go to sleep before 3 AM.

So, I will wake her up and give her the news that she missed her bus. No karaoke, no art classes, no hanging out with her friends today. Then I will give her the list of chores.