Lately people have been coming up to Chuck and I, telling us about their conversations with Beth. Some we know fairly well, others we barely know! But Beth is going around engaging people in conversation, connecting with them...
We have a small coffee shop at church and every Sunday Beth buys a drink. She usually just goes up, orders her drink and leaves. Recently the barista, P, asked her how bowling is going and if she ever got her bowling shoes. (P is also a co-worker who I had told about waiting 2 months for the shoes to come in...) Beth started telling her all about the shoes and even pulled out her phone to show her pictures! P had never seen Beth open up to her like that before!
Chuck and I are in a small group during the week and one of the other couples has attended our church for quite a while but we've never hung out together. Don't really know them very well. One night at our group J tells me that Beth came up to her and another lady on a Sunday morning and announced, "I'm back!!" The two ladies nervously looked at each other not really knowing what she was talking about and asked her what she meant. Beth told them that she had been sick and had missed the previous Sunday. Oh! They asked her how she was doing and she told them all about it!
We have another friend, C, who we know well, they've been to our house and we've been to theirs. Well, one day she decided to give Beth her phone number and told her that she could text her anytime. She hasn't regretted it... so far. :) She'll come tell me about some of the texts she gets, long, conversation type texts. Texts that I've never gotten from Beth! Mine are usually just a few words, but not with C! C gets full conversations about work and art class...
This has been so encouraging for us! Beth was like this growing up, talkative, friendly, and it's so good to see her coming back out of her shell!
Showing posts with label shy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shy. Show all posts
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Wall Flower
I've written this post in my head a hundred times, sort of nervous about actually posting it. I don't believe it's true... or maybe I just don't want to believe it's true.
Beth has been a part of All Aboard for gosh, 7 years. She's taken classes, gone to events and the other day I went on their web site and clicked on the link for Pictures. You know, she wasn't in a single photo. Not one of her in the art class, not one of her at the prom, not a candid photo, nothing.
She's a wall flower in the world of wall flowers.
I know it's her personality to be shy and introverted, but when even the special needs community doesn't embrace your child...
At the picnic last week, no one came up to talk to her. She went up to a few people, they'd give her a quick hug and that was it. She'd turn around and come right back to sit with me. She tried to give one of the leaders a hug and every time she'd touch her arm to get her attention, the leader would turn away. I'm glad Beth was persistent. She finally got a quick hug around the 4th time. I felt awful.
And that's also a problem. I felt awful, but it doesn't seem to bother Beth at all. She was happy for the hug and came right back over to me. But this momma's heart was aching.
I've been reading on Facebook recently about other adults with Down Syndrome who are going off to college, running their own businesses, standing up for their independence in court, having surgery so they can continue their passion of dancing. I'm truly happy for them. I'm excited to read about their goals and achievements. They're making strides and opening doors for younger kids to achieve their dreams one day.
But it's hard to read about those kids when Beth is just content to watch TV. I want more for her. But I also have to remember it's not about what I want.
One regret I have is not finding out what Beth was good at growing up. Our other girls figured it out on their own, taking classes in school and deciding what they liked or didn't like. For Sharaya it was photography. Diana has a variety of things she's interested in and is still figuring out what she wants to do with the rest of her life. But she's doing it. Beth never really expressed an interest in things like they did. I feel bad for not exploring that more or forcing her to try new things. I know it's not too late, but some days I feel like it is.
When Beth was in school, I would occasionally send notes to the teacher asking for this students or that students phone number so maybe we could arrange a time to get the girls together, but nothing ever came of it. Even if the teacher wasn't allowed give me their info and instead gave my info to the other parent, they never called or contacted us.
And now that Beth is an adult, people still don't call her or invite her out. She sits in her room watching TV and writing. When we do take her to dances or picnics, she sits with us or she sits alone.
Just like every other social group, the world of special needs has their cliques, their popular kids, their levels of hierarchy. And even in that, Beth is one of the unpopular kids.
Beth has been a part of All Aboard for gosh, 7 years. She's taken classes, gone to events and the other day I went on their web site and clicked on the link for Pictures. You know, she wasn't in a single photo. Not one of her in the art class, not one of her at the prom, not a candid photo, nothing.
She's a wall flower in the world of wall flowers.
I know it's her personality to be shy and introverted, but when even the special needs community doesn't embrace your child...
At the picnic last week, no one came up to talk to her. She went up to a few people, they'd give her a quick hug and that was it. She'd turn around and come right back to sit with me. She tried to give one of the leaders a hug and every time she'd touch her arm to get her attention, the leader would turn away. I'm glad Beth was persistent. She finally got a quick hug around the 4th time. I felt awful.
And that's also a problem. I felt awful, but it doesn't seem to bother Beth at all. She was happy for the hug and came right back over to me. But this momma's heart was aching.
I've been reading on Facebook recently about other adults with Down Syndrome who are going off to college, running their own businesses, standing up for their independence in court, having surgery so they can continue their passion of dancing. I'm truly happy for them. I'm excited to read about their goals and achievements. They're making strides and opening doors for younger kids to achieve their dreams one day.
But it's hard to read about those kids when Beth is just content to watch TV. I want more for her. But I also have to remember it's not about what I want.
One regret I have is not finding out what Beth was good at growing up. Our other girls figured it out on their own, taking classes in school and deciding what they liked or didn't like. For Sharaya it was photography. Diana has a variety of things she's interested in and is still figuring out what she wants to do with the rest of her life. But she's doing it. Beth never really expressed an interest in things like they did. I feel bad for not exploring that more or forcing her to try new things. I know it's not too late, but some days I feel like it is.
When Beth was in school, I would occasionally send notes to the teacher asking for this students or that students phone number so maybe we could arrange a time to get the girls together, but nothing ever came of it. Even if the teacher wasn't allowed give me their info and instead gave my info to the other parent, they never called or contacted us.
And now that Beth is an adult, people still don't call her or invite her out. She sits in her room watching TV and writing. When we do take her to dances or picnics, she sits with us or she sits alone.
Just like every other social group, the world of special needs has their cliques, their popular kids, their levels of hierarchy. And even in that, Beth is one of the unpopular kids.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
She Hugged A Pastor!
Chuck, Diana and I had a Children's Ministry meeting last night. While that was going on, Beth had a Hospitality party. Everyone in the church who is an usher, greeter, parking lot attendant, etc. got together and hung out. They're so busy on Sunday mornings that they don't really get to spend time with one another so the Pastor who heads up the Hospitality team - Pastor K - had a party.
I was a little nervous about Beth going because I knew she would only go for the food. She's too shy to talk to anyone and all she would do is eat. I talked to her about it a few days ahead of time and explained who would be there and what would happen. I encouraged her to talk to people, to ask them how they're week was, ask them what they'll be doing this weekend. I really tried to do as much prep work as I could.
Our meeting started before hers so Chuck was willing to leave our meeting early, he went home and got her (we live about 4 minutes from church) and came back to our meeting. I admit I was a little nervous about how she would do.
Well, when we went to pick her up she jumped up from her seat to show us her 'gift'. Everyone got to choose between a candle and some chocolate. She chose a cute glass container with a few pieces of chocolate in it. Then she said, "They have a chocolate fountain!"
As we got ready to leave, she turned around to everyone, waved and said (loudly for everyone to hear!) "Goodbye!"
I was shocked.
I suggested she go over to the host and thank her personally and M said she loved having Beth come. Beth smiled, looked at her and said thanks. Then they talked about the chocolate fountain, M said Beth had asked her for help... again, I was shocked.
As we turn to go, she giggled, waved and said, "Bye Pastor K!"
Wha...?? Beth?? Talking to a pastor without any prompting?!?
He was talking to someone else and didn't hear her so I told her she might want to say it again. When she did, he came over and gave her a big hug. "Thanks for coming, Beth!" She hugged him and smiled so big!
As we left she was smiling, her head was up; she was a different girl walking out of that church. It was awesome!
I was a little nervous about Beth going because I knew she would only go for the food. She's too shy to talk to anyone and all she would do is eat. I talked to her about it a few days ahead of time and explained who would be there and what would happen. I encouraged her to talk to people, to ask them how they're week was, ask them what they'll be doing this weekend. I really tried to do as much prep work as I could.
Our meeting started before hers so Chuck was willing to leave our meeting early, he went home and got her (we live about 4 minutes from church) and came back to our meeting. I admit I was a little nervous about how she would do.
Well, when we went to pick her up she jumped up from her seat to show us her 'gift'. Everyone got to choose between a candle and some chocolate. She chose a cute glass container with a few pieces of chocolate in it. Then she said, "They have a chocolate fountain!"
As we got ready to leave, she turned around to everyone, waved and said (loudly for everyone to hear!) "Goodbye!"
I was shocked.
I suggested she go over to the host and thank her personally and M said she loved having Beth come. Beth smiled, looked at her and said thanks. Then they talked about the chocolate fountain, M said Beth had asked her for help... again, I was shocked.
As we turn to go, she giggled, waved and said, "Bye Pastor K!"
Wha...?? Beth?? Talking to a pastor without any prompting?!?
He was talking to someone else and didn't hear her so I told her she might want to say it again. When she did, he came over and gave her a big hug. "Thanks for coming, Beth!" She hugged him and smiled so big!
As we left she was smiling, her head was up; she was a different girl walking out of that church. It was awesome!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
We Finally Got to Meet Them!!
Today was the day!!
We've been looking forward to it for weeks!
Today we got to meet....
Rebecca and Samantha from The Bates Motel!!
Rebecca and I hugged when we first saw each other.
She said it seemed like we had been friends for a couple of years.
I completely agree! Blogging builds relationships, even across the miles.
They are visiting family here in Seattle, all the way from Virginia.
We met at a local restaurant for pancakes and omletes.
Samantha had her favorite - peanut butter and jelly.
Beth had her favorite - an omlete with ham.
We settled into the seats at the restaurant and began talking.
Occupations. School. Ancestors.
Samantha began to open up.
She was talking a little bit and laughing.
I found myself just staring at her.
She's so beautiful. And so smart!
She was trying to get Beth to talk and open up.
Beth never did. Not really.
No laughing. No snorting. :(
An hour later it was time to say goodbye.
Samantha sat in the booth and said she wanted Beth.
I had to force Beth to go over to her.
That's just how Beth is.
Quiet. Shy.
But Beth did go to her.
Samantha grabbed her hand.
AWWWE!
We stopped just inside the doors to take some pictures.
Oh my gosh they were so cute.
They warmed up to each other and at that point, didn't want to leave!
Such a great afternoon!!
I can't stop thinking about them.
Thank you Rebecca for being willing to drive the hour to get here!
I miss you already!!
Rebecca, Samantha, Beth, Me.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
She's Coming Out of Her Shell
Beth's alarm went off at 8 this morning. Her second alarm went off at 8:30. (She has a new alarm clock, but we're trying it out to see if she can work it. It doesn't look like it's gonna work for her.) I went down at 9:00 and she was still alseep. I woke her up, turned on the light, took off her covers. At 9:15 she was STILL asleep. Sure enough, her bus came right at 9:29. She scrambled, well... she moved around while grumbling, but she made it out on time. Whew.
And now, the house is quiet. I'm alone and will be for the next oh, 5-6 hours. That doesn't happen very often. Chuck's at work. Wednesday is Beth's long day. She goes to karaoke and art with All Aboard and it's about 20 minutes north of us. Beth is usually the first to be picked up and then they pick up others along the way. Karaoke doesn't start until 11, but Beth is picked up at 9:30. Then art class ends at 4:00 and by the time Beth gets home, it's sometimes close to 6:00. She loves it though! Diana and Sharaya have gone to Canada for the day. Just to do some shopping and hang out together. The border is a 2 hour drive from here so they'll be gone a while.
Beth had her first choir rehearsal on Sunday. She was so nervous. She wanted me to stay with her, but I'm too shy! There was no way I was going to be the only parent sitting in a room of high schoolers! But I went in with her. She took her choir application (she filled out the whole thing by herself!) to Miss Terri and she found a seat in the Alto section. I stayed until rehearsal started then went upstairs to wait. She came out with the music to Step In Time from Mary Poppins! She was so excited! I asked if Miss Terri had given it just to her and she said, "They passed 'em down to everybody." I asked her if they were singing it on Sunday (highly unlikely) but she said, "I dunno." I asked what Miss Terri said when they passed them out. "I dunno." (Beth doesn't have good recall skills. She can answer the phone, talk with the person, but even as soon as she hangs up, you'll ask her what they said, "I dunno." Then we play 20 questions trying to figure out who it was and what they wanted.) I haven't told Beth this but I think they're singing that song in their big fundraiser coming up in a few weeks. They've been working on it for months and Beth won't be doing it since she just joined. So we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I've been trying to get Beth to open up more and talk to people. Which is really hard for me because I'm more shy than she is! I told her to say hi to the person who sits next to her. "All you have to say is, 'Hi I'm Beth.' But she said no one sat next to her. Sniff. :(
BUT, on Tuesday we were on our way to the grocery store and she says, "I told Tammi about choir." After a little investigation, "Who's Tammi?" She told one of her teammates at bowling, that she has joined the youth choir!! She said Tammi said "Cool" and gave her a high 5!! I understand her not talking to anyone at choir cause she doesn't know them yet, but she took the initiative to talk to someone she is comfortable with. I'm so glad! She was too! You could tell. She had the look of, 'I talked to someone and it worked!'
And this Saturday starts Athletics with Special Olympics. It's Track and Field but for some reason they call it Athletics. I'm a little concerned because we need to bring a copy of her sports physical but she didn't get one this year. I know, I know. Bad parenting. I called to make an appointment for one but their next opening isn't until April. So I scheduled it, but I hope they still let her participate.
But for today, I'm all alone. In the quiet. Can you see me smiling right now? :) Sigh. No deadlines. No meetings. No requests. Just.... quiet. (I even bought some chocolate at the grocery store last night! Didn't tell anyone!) So now I'm going to go put in a movie, grab a big fuzzy blanket, hop into Chuck's recliner (best seat in the house!) and open that chocolate!!
Wanna join me?
And now, the house is quiet. I'm alone and will be for the next oh, 5-6 hours. That doesn't happen very often. Chuck's at work. Wednesday is Beth's long day. She goes to karaoke and art with All Aboard and it's about 20 minutes north of us. Beth is usually the first to be picked up and then they pick up others along the way. Karaoke doesn't start until 11, but Beth is picked up at 9:30. Then art class ends at 4:00 and by the time Beth gets home, it's sometimes close to 6:00. She loves it though! Diana and Sharaya have gone to Canada for the day. Just to do some shopping and hang out together. The border is a 2 hour drive from here so they'll be gone a while.
Beth had her first choir rehearsal on Sunday. She was so nervous. She wanted me to stay with her, but I'm too shy! There was no way I was going to be the only parent sitting in a room of high schoolers! But I went in with her. She took her choir application (she filled out the whole thing by herself!) to Miss Terri and she found a seat in the Alto section. I stayed until rehearsal started then went upstairs to wait. She came out with the music to Step In Time from Mary Poppins! She was so excited! I asked if Miss Terri had given it just to her and she said, "They passed 'em down to everybody." I asked her if they were singing it on Sunday (highly unlikely) but she said, "I dunno." I asked what Miss Terri said when they passed them out. "I dunno." (Beth doesn't have good recall skills. She can answer the phone, talk with the person, but even as soon as she hangs up, you'll ask her what they said, "I dunno." Then we play 20 questions trying to figure out who it was and what they wanted.) I haven't told Beth this but I think they're singing that song in their big fundraiser coming up in a few weeks. They've been working on it for months and Beth won't be doing it since she just joined. So we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I've been trying to get Beth to open up more and talk to people. Which is really hard for me because I'm more shy than she is! I told her to say hi to the person who sits next to her. "All you have to say is, 'Hi I'm Beth.' But she said no one sat next to her. Sniff. :(
BUT, on Tuesday we were on our way to the grocery store and she says, "I told Tammi about choir." After a little investigation, "Who's Tammi?" She told one of her teammates at bowling, that she has joined the youth choir!! She said Tammi said "Cool" and gave her a high 5!! I understand her not talking to anyone at choir cause she doesn't know them yet, but she took the initiative to talk to someone she is comfortable with. I'm so glad! She was too! You could tell. She had the look of, 'I talked to someone and it worked!'
And this Saturday starts Athletics with Special Olympics. It's Track and Field but for some reason they call it Athletics. I'm a little concerned because we need to bring a copy of her sports physical but she didn't get one this year. I know, I know. Bad parenting. I called to make an appointment for one but their next opening isn't until April. So I scheduled it, but I hope they still let her participate.
But for today, I'm all alone. In the quiet. Can you see me smiling right now? :) Sigh. No deadlines. No meetings. No requests. Just.... quiet. (I even bought some chocolate at the grocery store last night! Didn't tell anyone!) So now I'm going to go put in a movie, grab a big fuzzy blanket, hop into Chuck's recliner (best seat in the house!) and open that chocolate!!
Wanna join me?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Her First Kiss
Beth desperately wants a first kiss.
She went to the movies today with Diana and they saw Gullivers Travels. I guess there is a kissing scene and Beth didn't like it at all! Not because she didn't like them kissing, but because SHE wanted to be the one getting the kiss.
Before she can have that first kiss, she needs a boyfriend. Before she can have a boyfriend she needs to meet a boy. The problem is.... she is very shy. She's painfully shy! She hardly talks to anyone. At church, at work, at karaoke. She just doesn't talk. It's gonna make it kinda hard to get that first kiss!
It's so hard to see her upset, but there's not much we can do. I'm not one for setting up 'dates' for my kids. And besides, I don't know any 20 something boys with Down Syndrome! :)
She went to the movies today with Diana and they saw Gullivers Travels. I guess there is a kissing scene and Beth didn't like it at all! Not because she didn't like them kissing, but because SHE wanted to be the one getting the kiss.
Before she can have that first kiss, she needs a boyfriend. Before she can have a boyfriend she needs to meet a boy. The problem is.... she is very shy. She's painfully shy! She hardly talks to anyone. At church, at work, at karaoke. She just doesn't talk. It's gonna make it kinda hard to get that first kiss!
It's so hard to see her upset, but there's not much we can do. I'm not one for setting up 'dates' for my kids. And besides, I don't know any 20 something boys with Down Syndrome! :)
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