Blossoming

Lately people have been coming up to Chuck and I, telling us about their conversations with Beth. Some we know fairly well, others we barely know! But Beth is going around engaging people in conversation, connecting with them...

We have a small coffee shop at church and every Sunday Beth buys a drink. She usually just goes up, orders her drink and leaves. Recently the barista, P, asked her how bowling is going and if she ever got her bowling shoes. (P is also a co-worker who I had told about waiting 2 months for the shoes to come in...) Beth started telling her all about the shoes and even pulled out her phone to show her pictures! P had never seen Beth open up to her like that before!

Chuck and I are in a small group during the week and one of the other couples has attended our church for quite a while but we've never hung out together. Don't really know them very well. One night at our group J tells me that Beth came up to her and another lady on a Sunday morning and announced, "I'm back!!" The two ladies nervously looked at each other not really knowing what she was talking about and asked her what she meant. Beth told them that she had been sick and had missed the previous Sunday. Oh! They asked her how she was doing and she told them all about it!

We have another friend, C, who we know well, they've been to our house and we've been to theirs. Well, one day she decided to give Beth her phone number and told her that she could text her anytime. She hasn't regretted it... so far. :) She'll come tell me about some of the texts she gets, long, conversation type texts. Texts that I've never gotten from Beth! Mine are usually just a few words, but not with C! C gets full conversations about work and art class...

This has been so encouraging for us! Beth was like this growing up, talkative, friendly, and it's so good to see her coming back out of her shell!

If I Could Go Back and Do It Again... Language

Beth doesn't know how to hold a conversation.

I know that may sound strange to some, so let me explain.

Her main vocabulary consists of:
"Now what?" (If you're doing something when she walks in.)
"I knew it." (If you get something to eat or drink or clean up a spill...)
"I don't know." (Her answer to almost. every. question.)

She's gotten to the point where she states the obvious. If I get up to do dishes, she will ask, "Are you gonna do dishes?" If I'm putting on makeup, "Oh yea. Doin' your makeup."

I've noticed recently she doesn't know how to have a real, deep down, conversation. She will ask questions: "Are we going to church tonight?" "Can we go shopping today?"

And we ask her questions: "How was work tonight?" What did you do with the kids today?" And those are usually met with two or three word sentences.

Now, she is getting better and I think that's what caught my attention. She is trying to use more words and engage in conversation. I have to read her lips when she speaks or I can't understand her. And I'm always asking her to repeat it. Sometimes I give excuses like the dishwasher is running or I couldn't hear her over the radio. The other day she even told me, "I think your hearing is bad." I didn't know if I should tell her the truth, or be excited about the sentence she just said!"

And all this has me realizing that we never taught her how to have a conversation. I mean, our other girls just learned it by watching and doing I guess, but Beth just, for whatever reason hasn't learned that skill. I automatically think back to when she was growing up and try to pinpoint the moment we missed. Or the time in her life that we should have been doing it. At 7 or 8 years old? Or would she have needed to be older? And how should we have done it? Have mock conversations with her, trying to think of different scenerios? While we were out, we'd show her how to order from a menu, and then be patient as she said it herself; we'd look at her so the waitress would look at her instead of us, things like that. But basic, everyday conversation? We missed it completely.

She took speech and language classes all through school, were they inadequate? Or was it over her head? Is 'having a conversation' something they even teach in OT? Why didn't I think of this during all those IEP meetings?

And language is SO important in life! As you well know. Speech can be everything. We hope and pray our children learn the words and learn to say them. But if they don't know how to use those words in conversation, what good are they?

I'm not sure what the answer is. Not sure what we should have done differently. But if I could go back and do it again, I'd definitely make that a priority in her life.

Seven Seconds

Seven Seconds can be an eternity when you're with someone and no one's talking. But I'm learning that I have to wait 7 seconds for Beth to begin talking.

In the last year or so, we've learned that Beth can't keep up with normal conversation. (This may not apply to every adult who has Down Syndrome, but it does for Beth.) When there are 3 or 4 of us around the ktichen table and we're talking and laughing, Beth is left out. It takes her longer to process what's been said, so she comments on things we were talking about 10 minutes ago. It's taught our family, no it's teaching us - we're still in the process - to slow down and allow her a chance to join in the conversation.

Beth goes bowling every Tuesday. I work on Tuesdays so when she gets home she calls me.

"Mom? I'm back."
"Great Beth. Did you have a good time?"
"Yep."

1 mississippi.
2 mississippi.
3 missi...

I'm trying to wait 7 seconds so she can initiate the conversation. Seven seconds is a looong time! But 8 out of 10 times, she will begin talking! She'll ask me something or talk about a friend at bowling. It's been hard, but so worth it!!


Family

While my dad and sisters were here, we took them down to the Edmonds Beach. The weather was perfect and we walked along the pier, sat on the benches and watched the sun begin to set.

 

 

L-R My sis Debbie, Beth, Chuck, my Dad John, Diana, my sis Kathy

'Adult' Conversation

Beth and I went shopping today. You know how it is during December; Christmas shopping, grocery shopping, shopping for baking supplies.... it seems we're at the store almost every day!

I took Beth out today and she finished her Christmas shopping. One gift for every person on her list and now she's done. Beth's an adult; I don't have to bring a stroller or a diaper bag. When I need to use the bathroom, she usually does too and visa versa. We walk, we shop and we talk. Oh, the conversations we have!!

We pulled into one parkinglot and she said,

B - "Dis remin me of Toy Stowy Thwee."

Me - "It does? How?"

B - "Da Playgroun."

(We were nowhere near a playground. We were in a parkinglot. I'm desperately trying to remember a playground in TS3.)

B - "When Woody is outside."

(I noticed a little patch of grass with a chain link fence. Then I remembered Woody going outside at the daycare center.)

Me - "Oh I see it now!" :)



We pull up to a red light and a large truck in front of us pulls into Jack in the Box. Beth points toward JITB;

B - "That remin me of Harry Potter."

Me - "What reminds you of Harry Potter?"

B - "Da tree. There was a big spidow! I no like big spidows. Only liddle ones I can step on."


Maybe we need to cut back on her TV viewing time.