More Than Yep (A Detour From Road Trips For A Minute)

Beth has never been much of a conversationalist but often she wouldn't talk at all. In fact, for most of her life she'd cry when something didn't go right. Or when something didn't work the way she wanted it to. 

Or she got her feelings hurt.

Or someone cut in line in front of her.

Or someone got a bigger piece.

For 99% of the things in her life she would just stand there and cry. Or she'd put her head down, walk away and cry.

I've told her, our whole family has told her, "Beth you need to talk. What's wrong?" "Beth, use your words." 

We've tried encouraging her, "Beth, we can't help you if you don't talk to us." "Beth if you want some help, you have to ask. Use your words."

Finally, after years and years, I gave up. When something happened and she would start to cry, I'd look the other way. Or I'd walk away. 

Or I'd just stare at her. 

She knew what I was gonna say anyway.

Eventually she stopped crying but she still wouldn't use her words. Even if she just wanted to say Hi to someone, she'd walk up to them and just stand there. Often they wouldn't see her and they would talk to someone else or they'd walk away but she never said a word!

But lately...

I saw her the other day at church - I so wished I had taken a picture but I was talking with someone else and didn't want to be rude - but I heard some women laughing and I glanced over to see Beth standing there with 3 other women, she had her phone out and she was showing them pictures! I heard her tell them about our trip to Snoqualmie Falls the weekend before! And these women were all facing Beth, she was leading the conversation!

Then last night at the grocery store, she was paying for her groceries and I was helping the bagger (he has special needs) with some special food items and as I finished and looked up, I heard Beth say something that I couldn't quite make out but then the checker laughed and said, "Oh you're right, I'm so sorry!" and he handed her some cash back. Beth said thank you and we were on our way.

Before we headed to the parking lot I stopped and told her how proud I was of her for speaking up. I told her she talked and everything worked out great; that she didn't cry and she got what she needed. "That's excellent Beth!"

She smiled and said, "Yep."

If I Could Go Back and Do It Again... Language

Beth doesn't know how to hold a conversation.

I know that may sound strange to some, so let me explain.

Her main vocabulary consists of:
"Now what?" (If you're doing something when she walks in.)
"I knew it." (If you get something to eat or drink or clean up a spill...)
"I don't know." (Her answer to almost. every. question.)

She's gotten to the point where she states the obvious. If I get up to do dishes, she will ask, "Are you gonna do dishes?" If I'm putting on makeup, "Oh yea. Doin' your makeup."

I've noticed recently she doesn't know how to have a real, deep down, conversation. She will ask questions: "Are we going to church tonight?" "Can we go shopping today?"

And we ask her questions: "How was work tonight?" What did you do with the kids today?" And those are usually met with two or three word sentences.

Now, she is getting better and I think that's what caught my attention. She is trying to use more words and engage in conversation. I have to read her lips when she speaks or I can't understand her. And I'm always asking her to repeat it. Sometimes I give excuses like the dishwasher is running or I couldn't hear her over the radio. The other day she even told me, "I think your hearing is bad." I didn't know if I should tell her the truth, or be excited about the sentence she just said!"

And all this has me realizing that we never taught her how to have a conversation. I mean, our other girls just learned it by watching and doing I guess, but Beth just, for whatever reason hasn't learned that skill. I automatically think back to when she was growing up and try to pinpoint the moment we missed. Or the time in her life that we should have been doing it. At 7 or 8 years old? Or would she have needed to be older? And how should we have done it? Have mock conversations with her, trying to think of different scenerios? While we were out, we'd show her how to order from a menu, and then be patient as she said it herself; we'd look at her so the waitress would look at her instead of us, things like that. But basic, everyday conversation? We missed it completely.

She took speech and language classes all through school, were they inadequate? Or was it over her head? Is 'having a conversation' something they even teach in OT? Why didn't I think of this during all those IEP meetings?

And language is SO important in life! As you well know. Speech can be everything. We hope and pray our children learn the words and learn to say them. But if they don't know how to use those words in conversation, what good are they?

I'm not sure what the answer is. Not sure what we should have done differently. But if I could go back and do it again, I'd definitely make that a priority in her life.