A Day of Remembrance - For Two Reasons

I've had the privilege of seeing the 9/11 Memorial 3 times. Well, once it was still Ground Zero. Our family visited in 2004 and they hadn't quite started rebuilding yet.

We went again twice last year. Once when Sharaya and I went back to Pennsylvania in May to help Diana shop for her wedding dress, and then Chuck, Beth, Ally, Sharaya and I went two days after the wedding. That time we went into the museum as well. It's a humbling, solemn experience.

 

 May 2022

 

 

 September 24, 2022

 

Three years ago today, September 11, 2019 my dad passed away. He was 95. He fought in WWII, had 4 daughters and lived a long, full life. He and I were very close and when he was put on hospice I flew to San Diego to be with him and my sisters. I'm so grateful I got to be there to say goodbye. Love you dad.

 

Grandparents, It Hit Me Like a Wave, and a Purposeful Re-creation?

We were texting Diana the other day about wedding plans and she said something about riding with Peter's grandparents and right there in the middle of our office area, I began to cry. The grief came over me like a giant wave as I realized - again - that my girls no longer have grandparents.

My dad died in 2019 and Chuck's mom, the last of their grandparents, just died in February. 

It hit me hard and I let the tears flow.

I've had this picture hanging in the living room for many years. It's one of those iconic photos that are a part of your family. It's my dad at around 3 years old, sitting on the hood of their car.

I've seen this next picture a hundred times but never really thought about it. A few months ago I came across it again and it hit me! Was my dad purposefully re-creating his photo? This is me around 2 years old, sitting on the hood of our car.

All these years and I never made the connection!

I've re-created photos:

Me and my sisters

Our girls

Sharaya getting ready to ride on my dads motorcycle

Allison standing next to my dads motorcycle

And my girls have re-created photos - many photos! Here's one:

But to think my dad did it way back in the early 1960's, just makes me miss him even more.

Do you have a family photo that means a lot to you?

Have you ever re-created a picture?

Waiting For Info

This is my first full day off in 10 days. We had a big 3 day event at work this week and we've all put in a ton of hours! Needless to say, it's 1:30 on Saturday afternoon and I'm still in my pajamas. 😊

To continue on where my last post ended, we got home from Denver on Monday the 1st and on Wednesday Chuck had surgery to remove the cancer from a lymph node behind his left ear. We were there the entire day, the surgeon had an emergency come up so they had to bump Chuck's surgery from 10am to 5pm. Which I really didn't care about, those things happen. The thing that bothered me was that they didn't tell us.

When we checked in at 10am the lady in admitting was surprised we were there and told us, "But your surgery isn't until 5:00?" We told her we were told it was at 12:00 and we were to come at 10:00. After people who came after us kept getting called, Chuck went back to the desk and after a few minutes a nurse came out and explained the situation. It would have been nice to have gotten a call before we came to the hospital. Oh well, we settled in for the day. (I'm SO glad Chuck talked me into bringing a bag with some books and snacks, I brought some hot tea in my travel mug...)

After a while they took Chuck back to a private room with a TV and bathroom so he didn't have to wait in the waiting room all day. That was really nice. A few minutes before 7:00pm I got a call that surgery had started and they'd call again when it ended. All day long people in the waiting room were getting calls and visits from doctors and nurses but I never heard a thing about Chuck. Sigh. 

I kept watching the Patient Board and when it said surgery was ending I waited for a call.

Nothing.

When the board changed to Out of Surgery I thought for sure someone would call but no one did. I imagined the team was sitting for a minute (did the doctor have to go from the emergency situation right into Chuck's surgery?) I could definitely wait while they took a short break and maybe got a sip of coffee.

No one else was in the waiting room by this time and even the employees who were going home told me that this area was closing down for the night. I told them this is where I was told to wait. (I didn't know where else TO go.) Then a security guard posted himself at a desk outside the doors. I'm thinking okay, where is everyone?!

The Patient Board finally read, 'In Main Recovery' so that's when I called the number they leave on the desk if you're waiting for info about your loved one and the recovery nurse told me, "Oh yeah, I'm Chuck's nurse! He did really well. He's a trouper! Did anyone call you after surgery?"

"No." 

She literally gasped. "What? Are you serious?"

Well, to make a long story short, since his surgery was so late in the day they decided to keep him overnight. But I couldn't see him. So after sitting there for more than 12 hours I went home. 

I felt so abandoned and was crying by the time I got to my car. The doctor called me while I was still in the parking garage so I didn't have good reception and I didn't hear everything she said. Plus I was still crying.

She ended up calling again right after I got home and she did apologize for bumping the surgery to a later time and deciding to keep him overnight... She also said she found 8-9 more nodules than the original so she had to take out a lot more than planned. Everything went well but now they were going to do biopsies on those other nodules (we knew the original was cancerous) and we'd get the results at our post-op visit next week. 

That visit was on the 10th and I did get an opportunity to tell her why I was crying that night. That it was the silence after surgery that bothered me, the feeling of abandonment. She understood and apologized again. THEN... 

She said the cancer hadn't spread anymore and was contained in that one lymph node. They were able to take out everything in the cancerous nodule, and the other nodules came back negative!!

As of today, CHUCK IS CANCER FREE!!! 

Such a gracious, merciful answer to prayer! The Lord is so, so good to us!

In Memory Of

Chuck's mom died on February 22nd. She was 90 years old and had lived in a convalescent home for about 7-8 years but she seemed fine. A social worker told us she had gone into Mary Ann's room about 10:30am and she was in good spirits. They talked about her new roommate and she was excited to meet her.

Then around noon a nurse went in to check on her and found her unresponsive. It's kind of shocking to all of us. How one minute she could be just fine and then suddenly she's gone.

We all flew out to Denver on the 25th and got to spend some time with Rose, Chuck's sister. Rose had lived with Mary Ann her entire life until she went into the convalescent home. She's always been a strong-willed, stoic kind of personality but this has hit her hard. She was so glad to have us all there and we spent hours reminiscing, looking through pictures, all those things you do when you lose someone so close.

Chuck and I cleaned out his mom's room then brought everything to Rose's place and we all sorted through things. 

When we went out there in October to help Rose after her surgery, we made arrangements to see Mary Ann. Rose is paralyzed on her right side due to a stroke and it's just too hard for her to get around so it had been a couple years since they'd actually seen each other. Due to the pandemic we had to meet outside and if I remember right they said it was the first time Mary Ann had been out of bed in over a year. I'm so glad I snapped some pictures!

This is a little bit of what Chuck wrote on Facebook ~

The Lord brought her through many trials and delivered her many times from things that happened to her in her life. She was widowed at 30 with 4 kids 10 and under plus a 10,000 chicken egg ranch. She survived cancer and Covid 19. She did the best she could and asked God to help her with the rest. Her faith is what brought me to the Lord. I was her youngest and I will miss her greatly.

I'll see you on the other side Mom. Chuck

 

                                    Mary Ann Bacon Anderson

December 27, 1930 - February 22, 2021

                            

We flew in late Monday night and Chuck had more cancer surgery on Wednesday. I'll write about that in my next post.

So how are you doing? Holding up okay?

Draining

Today was my day off and I spent part of it, to be honest, on my knees crying over my job. I had no idea just how much it would change my life and how time consuming it would be. (For many years I was the Admin for our Facilities department but a little over a year ago I became the Custodial Supervisor.)

I went through my camera to see what recent pictures I had that I could post here and they're all from work! 

Chemicals
Beverage containers
Room set ups
A Maintenance code on one of our copiers

  

(So I know how many beverages to bring to this event each week.)

 

(Trying to see where on the floor the tables are to be placed.)

(You have to know the code when you call for maintenance.)

I won't post the pictures of the bathrooms that desperately needed attention. (I work at a large church and we serve a lot of homeless and people with addictions. During flu season you expect bathrooms to look... well you know, but let's just say these were bad enough it looks like they were sabotaged so I took photos just in case.)

I've had one custodian give notice, another is leaving on a two week missions trip and still another is going home (out of country) for two and a half months. I'm trying to hire more people but for now I'm working as Supervisor during the day and as a custodian a few nights a week. Needless to say, I'm exhausted. I spoke to my boss yesterday and he's helping me with the hiring process. But today I just broke down and cried out to the Lord. Honestly, I feel better. Tears for me are a way to relieve stress. What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? How do you relieve stress?

I promise I'll post some fun Christmas pictures soon. The whole family was together again!

Hard To Put Into Words

Diana sent me a text this morning encouraging me to post an update. (What would we do without our kids?!) I love you girls!!

Last Thursday we all flew down to San Diego to attend what was supposed to be my nieces wedding, but ended up being her fiance's memorial.

She had it at the same place she was going to have the wedding, a beautiful park with a river running through it. The caterers still came, the photographer was there and she had new cakes made.

One of the saddest moments came when Steven's youngest daughter took the microphone and said that since she'd never be able to have a father-daughter dance with her dad, and Karlene wasn't able to dance with him, would she be willing to dance with her? So the two of them began slow dancing. Part way through my brother-in-law got up and finished the dance with them! 😭

Steven was a dump truck driver and the company he worked for put his name on the back of his truck. A bunch of drivers were there and Karlene had them all honk their horns for a few minutes in honor of him.

There were tears but there was also a lot of laughter and happy memories of a man who loved well. One woman got up and said that she met Steven when she was an addict. He found out where she was staying and continually brought her food and checked up on her. She said that she's been clean and sober now for 3 years, because of him. 

And I found out the reason they left him on life-support was because he was an organ donor. He saved multiple lives, even in his death.

It was a difficult day but I'm so glad we were all able to be there to support my niece. Hug your family and friends! Lives can change in an instant.

A Tragic Turn Of Events

Diana flew out here from Pennsylvania last week and we're all flying to San Diego to attend my nieces wedding on Saturday, August 10.

My niece Karlene has been through a lot the last few years, mostly due to poor choices, addictions, hanging with the wrong people, etc. She took responsibility for her actions and paid her dues. Now she's clean and sober, a contributing member of society living a healthy life.

She met her current boyfriend S a few years ago and he's walked with her through most of this difficult journey. He has loved her kids like they were his own and has been her rock.

Last Friday I was at the grocery store and my phone rang. As I'm putting it up to my ear I can hear somebody sobbing and Karlene says, "Aunt Cindy?!? I need you to pray!! Please pray!!!" 

S was riding his motorcycle to work and someone pulled out in front of him. He swerved to avoid hitting the car and fell hard on the road. The other driver kept going. As he laid in the road he was able to call 911 and then called Karlene. When she got there he was telling the EMTs that he felt okay and didn't want to go to the hospital. 

She took him to his moms house so he could change his shirt or something and he began to complain that his chest hurt. She insisted they go to the hospital and when they got there, they put him in an ambulance and took him to another hospital, a trauma center I think. That's where she found out that he had ruptured his aorta and they immediately took him into surgery. That's when she called me.

They repaired his aorta and got him stabilized. That night and all day Saturday she and all of his family were able to be with him and hang out in his room.

At 2:30 Sunday morning my phone rang again. I heard those familiar sobs again and, "Aunt Cindy I need you to pray!! Please pray!! Just pray!!!!"

S had rolled over. That's all. He was just laying in the hospital bed and he rolled over. And went into cardiac arrest. Six doctors and nurses came running into the room and one of them "jumped on his chest" and began compressions.

She was absolutely hysterical and I will never forget the sound of her sobs and the way she was yelling into the phone, telling me everything that was happening in real time. It was gut-wrenching.

They got his heart beating again but he suffered brain damage and has been unresponsive since. He's now on life support. 

The wedding they've been planning and one so many of us have been so excited to go to will now be a Celebration of Life.

Please keep Karlene and his whole family in your prayers.

The Feeling Of Freedom

This last week was so emotional. You could tell my dad was nervous about moving but he knew it had to happen. My sister has been doing everything for him and I think he was just expecting her to do it all. At one point my dad told her, "Deb! I'm hungry!" And she asked him what he wanted to eat. And I lovingly said, "Actually dad I think what you meant to say was, 'Hey Deb would you please fix me something to eat?'" 

And honestly, neither one of them smiled. They both had exhausted, no nonsense expressions on their faces.

Throughout the week I had to remind my sister to feed her animals.

My dad asked her to help him with everything.

She forgot where she put medication.

The house was always closed up. 

Every day she got him out of bed and helped him to the couch. Sometimes he would get up and walk around the living room and kitchen to ease the Restless Leg Syndrome but for the most part he stayed on the couch until it was time for bed again.

They absolutely love each other and they both know the other one is trying their best but after so many years of this, the situation had just drained them both.

It was without a doubt time for my dad to move.

My niece, nephew and some of their kids came over and helped us move the few pieces of furniture that he was going to take with him. We got him in the truck then went back into the house for our purses and stuff and my sister began to cry. I just stood there and hugged her for a while.

When we got to the facility Deb decided to leave my dad in the truck while we moved his stuff into his room. It didn't take very long and he was walking into his new place. His room is much bigger than the one he had at my sisters and there was bright sunlight beaming in through the window.

They put a pole by his bed so he can start getting himself out of bed on his own. My sister has helped him for years but he has to be able to do it on his own.

While Deb sat at the table with the administrator going over medications and paperwork, my dad walked around the facility.

It's a gorgeous place with animals on the property (goats, miniature horses...) a beautiful courtyard, all the residents eat every meal together in the dining room, it's going to be a better quality of life for him and I think he realizes that.

After 3 days his only complaint was that they don't feed him enough! For a 94 year old, he eats non stop! He's the only resident that cleans his plate and asks for seconds! 😋 

The last time Deb and I visited him we were only there a short time when he said, "Well you two I guess I'll see you tomorrow." He was ready for us to leave! 

Thank you all for your prayers. We know he's gonna be just fine!

And my sister? We went back to her place and she collapsed in her recliner. "I can't believe how free I feel."

The Ugly Cry

She's spent months cleaning out her room. I can't tell you how many loads we've taken to Goodwill. She's sold books and movies to Half Price Books and she gave stuff to Sharaya. Her and Chuck have planned their road trip, made hotel reservations and located all the truck stops along their route!

 

She's already got a job back there and a place to stay when she gets there. I think she's all set! Sharaya and Allie spent the night here last night. Allie slept in Diana's room and Sharaya and Diana slept (I think they slept!) in the living room so they could talk and watch movies all night. 

We all got up early this morning and Diana rearranged the rubbermaid bins. She was determined to get all of her stuff into just two bins! And she did pretty good! She took the two bins, one small bag (we call it her Mary Poppins bag cause it's about that same size) and one 'food bag' where she keeps snacks, drinks and stuff for the road trip.

 

Don't you like the title of that journal? Dreams & Schemes. :)

She left a couple boxes here, with stuff that she'll get next time she comes home. Or we'll mail it to her if she finds she needs it sooner.

It came time for them to leave so we all gathered around her and Chuck prayed for her before they headed out to the car for the last time.

 

After they left, Sharaya, Allie, Beth and I went back into the house. Allie was talking non-stop about something. I'm not sure what. Sharaya sat down on the couch. Beth and I went out to the kitchen, hugged each other and sobbed. Yep, we did the ugly cry! 

Sharaya was headed out to buy a table so she cleaned out her car, then her and Allie left.

Beth and I went into Diana's room and it was empty, except for the furniture. I turned around and saw something on her closet door.