My Oldest Sister Died Today

My niece called at 6:30 this morning to tell me my sister had died. She was sobbing so I wasn't sure I heard her right. Honestly, I'm still in shock. It was totally unexpected. She was only 68.

I ran out of the bedroom and Sharaya and Ally were just getting ready to walk out the door when I told her, "Aunt Kathy died!" She immediately put down all her stuff and called Chuck and then Diana. I was still talking to my niece. We were both sobbing. 

Ken (my sister's husband) had been sick but was starting to feel much better. Then Kathy started feeling sick. My nice talked to her on the phone on Sunday and Kathy said she didn't feel good. She was congested and had a hard time coughing up stuff. When they went to bed last night Ken said "she had a hard time finding the right words." During the night the heater went out so he went outside to fix it and when he got back to bed she was unresponsive.

We don't know if she had a stroke or a heart attack... 

I called our other sister Deb and we cried for a while. 

Chuck came back home from work, Diana came over and we spent the day looking through old photos. During dinner we watched home movies. It still doesn't feel real.

L-R Kathy's the oldest, then me, and Deb.

 

 

We took these when we visited them in Colorado in October of 2020. These are the last pictures I have of us.

In Memory Of

Chuck's mom died on February 22nd. She was 90 years old and had lived in a convalescent home for about 7-8 years but she seemed fine. A social worker told us she had gone into Mary Ann's room about 10:30am and she was in good spirits. They talked about her new roommate and she was excited to meet her.

Then around noon a nurse went in to check on her and found her unresponsive. It's kind of shocking to all of us. How one minute she could be just fine and then suddenly she's gone.

We all flew out to Denver on the 25th and got to spend some time with Rose, Chuck's sister. Rose had lived with Mary Ann her entire life until she went into the convalescent home. She's always been a strong-willed, stoic kind of personality but this has hit her hard. She was so glad to have us all there and we spent hours reminiscing, looking through pictures, all those things you do when you lose someone so close.

Chuck and I cleaned out his mom's room then brought everything to Rose's place and we all sorted through things. 

When we went out there in October to help Rose after her surgery, we made arrangements to see Mary Ann. Rose is paralyzed on her right side due to a stroke and it's just too hard for her to get around so it had been a couple years since they'd actually seen each other. Due to the pandemic we had to meet outside and if I remember right they said it was the first time Mary Ann had been out of bed in over a year. I'm so glad I snapped some pictures!

This is a little bit of what Chuck wrote on Facebook ~

The Lord brought her through many trials and delivered her many times from things that happened to her in her life. She was widowed at 30 with 4 kids 10 and under plus a 10,000 chicken egg ranch. She survived cancer and Covid 19. She did the best she could and asked God to help her with the rest. Her faith is what brought me to the Lord. I was her youngest and I will miss her greatly.

I'll see you on the other side Mom. Chuck

 

                                    Mary Ann Bacon Anderson

December 27, 1930 - February 22, 2021

                            

We flew in late Monday night and Chuck had more cancer surgery on Wednesday. I'll write about that in my next post.

So how are you doing? Holding up okay?

Stress And Loss, What A Week

At 1:30 Tuesday morning I got a call from a friend telling me her mom had died. I met Vera more than 25 years ago when we did ministry together at our church. She had dementia so the last few years I've been hanging out with her while her husband went out for lunch or bowling. It was hard to watch that disease slowly steal her away from us. I went over and spent the morning with Vern and we talked and cried and looked through pictures. We know she's in a better place now, our loss is bittersweet.

  
Late that same night Sharaya called me from the airport - in London! - to say the airline had cancelled her flight home!! It's kind of a long story but we stayed in contact through texts and at 2AM she was finally able to get new tickets and then head to the new gate for their flight home. Of course that made them arrive a few hours later than they hoped but I picked them up at the airport and they were so glad to be home!  

Our church held a women's conference this weekend with Havilah Cunnington called Awaken 2018. I usually don't go to these things but for some reason I just felt led to volunteer this year. Had a 3 hour training last Saturday, then was at the church from 4-10:30 on Friday night, then 7am-5 yesterday. By the time I got home I was SO tired! My fitbit says I took 18,000 steps yesterday alone! It was a wonderful conference though, a lot of women were ministered to, prayed for and just able to sit and talk with other women about 'girl stuff'!

Plus this week we've learned that one of our beloved pastors and our facility manager are both moving out of state! Pastor K has been at our church for 17 years and the FM (I'm his admin) for almost 15. They are both going to leave such huge holes! On Thursday I was sitting at my desk at work and just began to cry. I think the realization of all of this loss just, bam! hit me. I know the Lord will see us through this but these next few months are gonna be hard.

When The World Ended

This is a post Sharaya wrote on Sunday. She has given me permission to share it with you. It will give you a glimpse into what has been happening in our family the last few months.

 

when the world ended

“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.” Psalm 71:20-21

Yesterday we went to the memorial service for one of my closest friends.  Needless to say, it was a long day. In fact, the past month has seemed to be a complete nightmare without an end. And I don't mean to sound like a teenage drama queen when I say that.

For the past couple of years, Ryan and I have been in and out of hospitals, learning to deal with his disease which doctors have diagnosed as severe depression. This is something we're just now starting to share with those around us because it's something that's always been so misunderstood. Depression is an illness that takes over the entire household and can swallow up everything and anyone inside it. And unlike popular belief, this ain't no case of the grumpies. It can't be solved with a passer-by giving us some worthwhile advice like, "suck it up" or "just get over it." It's a neurological, all-encompassing disease that interferes and disrupts every aspect of your life. In fact, each and every one of the doctors we've seen have said it's the most severe case they've ever encountered. Yaaay.

On March 4th, I came home from work and walked in on my husband trying to end his life. That was a very scary experience. But with all my heart, I wish I could say it was the first time. And making an extremely long story short, he admitted himself into a clinic where he got some help, was released shortly after and we've been continually learning to live with this thing ever since.

But then on March 18th, while I was at work, I got the call that one of our closest friends had died in his sleep the night before. I completely fell apart.

I'll start out by stating the obvious. I loved Alex. I love Alex. He was like a brother to me and an uncle to Allie. The day right before he passed, I had actually been thinking about some things I wanted to get him for his birthday, even though it was 4 months down the road. He was the sweetest person with the biggest heart anyone could have. I was so looking forward to seeing him get married and be a dad. He would have been such an amazing dad. He had such a special relationship with Allison. But it actually didn't start out that hot...
When Allie was first born, she was terrified of Alex. He didn't even have to be in her eye sight. All she had to do was feel his presence in the room and she would start crying like crazy. Eventually, we figured out that it was because of his facial hair. He had so much of it at the time that I guess it freaked her out. So one day, he showed up to our house with a completely clean shaven face. He said he did it for Allie. He wanted her to like him. And that's what I'll remember most about him. The fact that pleasing others, pleased him. He had such a servants heart and I'll never forget that. He even helped Ryan through some of his darker times this past month and I'll appreciate everything he was to our family.

I don't know why he was taken and I may never know. But you don't always know how much a person means to you until they're gone. After they are, the things they taught you seem monumental. You realize you've learned so much from them and you're a better person because they had been in your life.

But to be honest, I'd rather have him here and still be a complete idiot. :)

Scattered

There's been a lot on my mind lately but I haven't been able to process my thoughts. Too often it seems my mind is just a jumbled mess.

It may just be because of life.

Ryan has been in and out of the hospital I think three times in less than 2 weeks. Sharaya is drained working full time (plus!) and taking care of Allie and the house...

Last week a very close friend of Ryan, Sharaya and Diana's died in his sleep. He was 24. Their pastor had called Sharaya at work and when she said she couldn't talk at work, he told her it was an emergency. She headed straight home, knowing what this would do to Ryan. On the way home she called me, sobbing. One day 'A' was fine and the next... He had spent his final day with his dad, L. L told the kids they had a great conversation the night before, that A was feeling great and was looking forward to his future. The next day A wasn't answering his phone so his dad went to his house. That's when he found him. People are stunned. As you probably expect, Facebook is lit up with old photos and stories as friends and family post their memories. The memorial is this weekend. Our kids are literally in shock.

This is part of what Diana wrote on her blog: Misery creeps its way into the corners of your long days; into the shadows of your tiring weeks until it envelops you. You move around with a blank stare and a heavy heart.

I taught A in Sunday school when he was growing up; he was here a few weeks ago, hanging out with Ryan and Sharaya when they stopped by one afternoon. I didn't really know A but I'm feeling his loss. Feeling it through my kids.

It's hard to watch your kids when they hurt. When they're little you can 'kiss the boo boo' or give them a fun band aid. You can talk to the teacher, meet with the parent. You can take steps to fix the problem. But when they become adults? You can pray. You can hug them. You can tell them you love them, but you can't make it better.