Scattered

There's been a lot on my mind lately but I haven't been able to process my thoughts. Too often it seems my mind is just a jumbled mess.

It may just be because of life.

Ryan has been in and out of the hospital I think three times in less than 2 weeks. Sharaya is drained working full time (plus!) and taking care of Allie and the house...

Last week a very close friend of Ryan, Sharaya and Diana's died in his sleep. He was 24. Their pastor had called Sharaya at work and when she said she couldn't talk at work, he told her it was an emergency. She headed straight home, knowing what this would do to Ryan. On the way home she called me, sobbing. One day 'A' was fine and the next... He had spent his final day with his dad, L. L told the kids they had a great conversation the night before, that A was feeling great and was looking forward to his future. The next day A wasn't answering his phone so his dad went to his house. That's when he found him. People are stunned. As you probably expect, Facebook is lit up with old photos and stories as friends and family post their memories. The memorial is this weekend. Our kids are literally in shock.

This is part of what Diana wrote on her blog: Misery creeps its way into the corners of your long days; into the shadows of your tiring weeks until it envelops you. You move around with a blank stare and a heavy heart.

I taught A in Sunday school when he was growing up; he was here a few weeks ago, hanging out with Ryan and Sharaya when they stopped by one afternoon. I didn't really know A but I'm feeling his loss. Feeling it through my kids.

It's hard to watch your kids when they hurt. When they're little you can 'kiss the boo boo' or give them a fun band aid. You can talk to the teacher, meet with the parent. You can take steps to fix the problem. But when they become adults? You can pray. You can hug them. You can tell them you love them, but you can't make it better.