Wednesday, August 22, 2012

If I Could Go Back and Do It Again...

I wouldn't work outside the home.

I had the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom for more than 18 years. Our youngest was in 5th Grade when I went back to work; Beth - the oldest, was in 10th Grade.

At the time I thought our girls were old enough, they didn't need me at home as much and I could be gone for 20 - 30 hours each week.

I've worked outside the home now for 10 years and I wonder what our lives would be like if I had stayed home. I loved being a stay at home mom. I baked and volunteered at the school and fixed up the house and the yard... I miss doing those things.

I would love to volunteer with All Aboard, the organization that Beth is involved with. She bowls on Tuesdays and I would love to help. (I may get my chance in a few months. Maybe.) All Aboard is planning a special prom and I told them I'd love to help but am finding I have no time. Between work and housecleaning and yard work and grocery shopping... YOU know how it is! When I finally do have free time and nothing planned, I'm usually too tired. I need to recharge.

Working outside the home takes up so much time and mental energy. I think about it a lot. Maybe because I work there and we volunteer there and we eat dinner there and we've even slept there a few times. I'm rarely away from the place for more than 24 hours. I like my job, it's not that. It's just that lately I wish I was home more. Beth has so many issues that we're not dealing with. Physically, socially, medically. It's been somewhat overwhelming lately.

I would love to have every day home with my girls. We are half way through painting the kitchen. Not sure when we'll get it finished. If I were home all day every day, it would have been done weeks ago. I'm in the process of fixing up the craft / exercise / reading / junk room downstairs. It'll take me months I know.

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this. Just thinking out loud I guess. I know that if I had a chance to go back and do it differently, I wouldn't have gone back to work.


Kristin said...

Thanks for posting this. I often wonder if I should go back to work after Max is in school full-time in a few years... but I do love being home, too!

Jennifer Scott said...

I know how that feels.

Maybe you can take on less at work to have more time to take care of you. Maybe you just need a serious sabbatical.

You deserve to be happy and feel less stretched.

gwen said...

Thanks for the insight, I struggle a lot with this particular decision as a stay at home mom who wants to work.

Unknown said...

Love this...i would love to be a stay at home mommy...I kids of am...I do in home daycare...but would so love to volunteer...maybe! By the time Maddie gets into BIG school I can! Smiles