When I read some of your blogs, I've noticed there are some things that I do that might not be appropriate now. Please know my heart in this - the printed word can be written in humility, but can be read with anger or discust. I don't want to hurt or offend anyone and I'm afraid I might with my 'old fashioned' ways. So before I put my foot in my mouth, (if I haven't already,) I'd like to ask a couple of questions.
When Beth was born, the term Downs was often used and widely accepted. I still use it today, but it seems like it's not appropriate anymore. Why is it offensive?
The word retarded. When Beth was little, my mom rented a room to a mentally handicapped woman. She would often hang out with friends and one day her friend came over in tears. She said someone had called her retarded. The girl (early 20s) told her matter of factly, "I hear the word retard a hundred times a day. It doesn't mean anything to me because it's not true," and out the door she went.
I definitely understand not calling someone retard just like you wouldn't call them idiot or stupid but I'm not sure I understand the deep hurt that some seem to feel with that word.
8 comments:
I so appreciate that Beth is older and was born in a different time. My son is 15. People first language was just starting to become popular. For me the term "Downs Baby" was said out of love and I never heard anyone use it to harm me or my son. When I decided to use people first language when he was about three months old it changed me. When I stopped thinking of him as a "Downs baby" and as a baby with Down Syndrome it changed my life. When you put the person first not the disability it changes you. It changed me and the way I felt, Down Syndrome did not consume him. He was just a baby who happened to have Down Syndrome. I would never say Cystic Fibrosis kid,Spina Bifida baby, diabetic kid. Even other syndromes don't get generalized like DS. I think language can effect how people perceive our chidren. Down Syndrome is a part of who they are, but it is not all they are. Just my two cents....
I completely understand the way things were, not so very long ago. There's so much 'political correctness' to tiptoe around now, but I don't judge people who use those words when they're used matter-of-factly, rather than to inflict hurt or humiliation. I won't take anyone to task for the contexts you describe above, but I *did* have to school the Vice Principal at Samantha's school (the head of the special education program in her school) when he didn't use people first language - I figured that in his position he needed to know the right way to say it. We presented it nicely to him, and he listened. But I'm not one of those types that will go bonkers on someone, like the little old lady who you may see in the supermarket that says something like, "Oh, I love Downs kids, they're always so happy!" I will forgive the misguided words, and take it for what it is, someone appreciating my daughter.
Neither offends me. I am one of the few I think. I think people can get so out of whack when they hear the R word. Yes, it isn't politically correct, and yes, when meant to be mean, it hurts. But the majority of the time, people use it innocently enough. Not that educating them is wrong, but to send your blood boiling, really? You're going to let it affect you that much? Feel free to use it around me. I won't care :)
I definitely agree with Becca's comment about using people first language - always best. Other's reading this - please don't send me hate mail - I don't use either term out of respect :)
oops - not Becca, but Anon was talking about people first language...
Thank you for all your comments. People First Language? This phrase is new to me, too. I'm always learning!
I like people first language as well. It's more respectful and I don't want Ds to define my son. He is a child first, always! But I don't ever get upset because to be perfectly honest I almost never hear anyone use people first language. It's always "Downs Baby". I think it will take a while for this to catch on. As far as the R-word goes, there are many words used in the past to describe a person that has now become derogatory and hurtful. Why would a person want to offend and hurt someone simply because they don't mean it that way? It's about respect first and foremost. If it causes hurt to a group of people why use it? Besides I think many of the people who use that word sound very uneducated.
This is just how I feel, however I'm not one of those people who go crazy if I hear either term. Hope this helps give you a little insight! I have never found your blog offensive and love reading about Beth!
I think it's also a word that has been incorporated into the everyday language our culture, and has thus changed its meaning. Nowadays, the word "retarded" is a slang word for someone that is stupid. It implies a lack of understanding. As an elementary teacher who works with special needs students, to see my Advanced Placement Program students use the word "retarded" as a synonym for stupid, or to put their hands to their chest as if they were disabled is offensive and shows no understanding of the abilities of my students who would fall under that classification. It carries such a stigma of unknowing with it--they are uncomfortable with what they don't know so they throw terms around. And though, yes, originally it was simply a derivation of a word that meant "slow," its implications these days are a lot more cruel, by nature, in our culture.
My thoughts, at least. When using the word as a diagnosis, I don't mind as much, it's just when it pops up in everyday conversation that it really bothers me. My students are such amazing people, and I hate to see them stigmatized into a single word.
I think the word "retard" is used more today toward things or ideas... not people. Like someone saying, "That is retarded." It doesn't offend me, because I don't let it. But than again I don't associate Macy with the word. Now I will say that if someone called her a retard, than I would probably be mad and explain that she may have an intellectual disability but she is not a retard. It is also more in the tone or strange looks people use that bothers me. But I believe we should not be so easily offended, most people don't intend to be rude. I say sugar catches more flies than salt...
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