Pretty Darn Close

School bag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning, 

waving good-bye with an absentminded smile.

I watch her go 

with a surge of that well known sadness 

and I have to sit down for a while. 

(Sharaya) 

The feeling that I'm losing her forever

and without really entering her world.

I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter

that funny little girl.

(Diana)

Slippin' through my fingers all the time

I try to capture every minute

the feeling in it

slippin' through my fingers all the time.

Do I really know what's on her mind?

Each time I think I'm close to knowing

she keeps on growing

slippin' through my fingers all the time.
 
 (Sharaya)

Sleep in her eyes

her and me at the breakfast table

barely awake

I let precious time go by.

Then when she's gone 

there's that ol' meloncholy feeling

and the sense of guilt I can't deny.

(Diana)

What happened to those wonderful adventures?

The places I had planned for us to go?

Well, some of that we did

but most we didn't

and why I just don't know.

(Sharaya) 

 (Diana)

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture

and save it from the funny tricks of time,

slippin' through my fingers... 

This song is by Abba and is in Mamma Mia, a movie created around their music. I watched this again the other night and found myself crying (visualize: ugly cry) thinking of my two youngest girls. 

I don't know how many of you have children, but parenting is hard work. When they're small you're in the throws of potty training, packing lunches for school, doctor's appointments, signing permission slips, sleepless nights, volunteering in the classroom, helping with homework, teaching them how to take showers, clip their fingernails, chew with their mouths closed, how to behave in a restaurant... it's a constant blur of life.

And somewhere in there you plan birthday parties and vacations and music lessons and sleep overs. Then, before you know it they're grown up and everything stops. They're on their own and you stand back and watch them live their lives from afar.

I know I see Sharaya pretty often, sometimes a few times a week, but it's not the same as when she was living at home. And Diana, I've only seen her three times in the last 18 months. It's not a bad thing really. It's exactly what's supposed to happen, your kids grow up, move out and begin their own lives. The circle of life as they say.

So I started bawling when I heard this song again. It's hard to describe the feeling you have when your kids grow up and move away, but Slippin' Through My Fingers gets pretty darn close. 

I Was Watching TV When A Familiar Face Came On The Screen

I was pleasantly surprised!

Gosh she was so cute!

Just an average commercial.

About two kids playing with a toy.

Great job Fisher Price!

I've always liked you!

What Is It About Bubbles?

Do you do this too? I was walking around the house thinking there was something I was supposed to do today. I've done the laundry, mopped floors... then I remembered, the blog!! My poor, neglected blog!

Our receptionist is on vacation this week so I worked for her on Wednesday. Got to sit at the front desk and answer phones all day! It's actually a fun job and I really like filling in for her. Then Allie spent the night on Wednesday. After dinner we went outside to water all the plants and play with the bubbles. So much fun! What is it about bubbles that bring out the kid in everyone? Sorry though, no pictures of me playing! :)

 

 I had some flowers appear a few years ago, these beautiful pink little bells. Then this year, some larger purple ones appeared. I don't know what they are, but I do love them!

These are the small pink flowers.

And this year, the purple ones. I absolutely love the way the back is braided to form each of the petals. Does anyone know what kind of flower this is?

To You She Looks Imperfect

'I know what you are thinking. You need a sign. What better one could I give than to make this little one whole and new? I could do it; but I will not. I am the Lord and not a conjuror. I gave this one a gift I denied to all of you - eternal innocence. To you she looks imperfect - but to me she is flawless, like the bud that dies unopened or the fledgling that falls from the nest to be devoured by ants. She will never offend me, as all of you have done.

She will never pervert or destroy the works of my Father's hands. She is necessary to you. She will evoke the kindness that will keep you human. Her infirmity will prompt you to gratitude for your own good fortune. More! She will remind you every day that I am who I am, that my ways are not yours and that the smallest dust mote whirled in darkest space does not fall out of my hand.

I have chosen you. You have not chosen me. This little one is my sign to you. Treasure her!'

From Morris West's The Clowns of God

Beth - 1986

Then And Now - The Photo That Started It All

The girls gave us a frame filled with photos for our Anniversary.

But not just any group of photos.

They got together and recreated pictures from their childhoods.

Beth and Sharaya

1989 - 2013

 

 Sharaya

1988 - 2013

 

 Diana

1992 - 2013

 

Sharaya and Beth

1989 - 2013

 

There were even more than this!

They tried to match every picture, right down to the clothes they were wearing!

But the picture that started it all, I believe, was this one -

Me and my sisters around 1963

 I took that picture of my girls about 30 years later.

And now, forever more I'll have:

Priceless!!

How Do You Know Where to Draw the Line?

My mom used to always say that the hardest part about raising kids was when they turned 18. At the time I didn't believe her because I thought the hardest part was the part I was in that day!

But now that my kids are grown, I know exactly what she means. For almost 20 years you protect and nurture and teach and discipline and love and coax and support and legally overnight, you have to let them fail. You have to stand back and watch them make poor choices, watch them suffer the consequences, watch them... sometimes... fail. It's a horrible conflict of interest. It goes against everything you've been doing, everything you known.

You can advise. You can offer encouragement. You can give your opinion. But ultimately, you have no power. The choice is 100% theirs.

Beth is obese. You already knew that. We've slowly been making changes in our lifestyle by cooking less food, trying to use smaller plates, etc. Chuck has lost almost 100 pounds the last two years. There's still a lot of work to be done, but we do celebrate how far we've come. But Beth hasn't lost any. In fact, she's gained weight the last two years.

She had a doctors appointment last month and after talking to Beth for a few minutes, the doctor looked at me and asked me if I was able to get her to eat healthy food. I hesitated for a minute and said that she was 28 and asked him if his parents were able to get him to eat healthy when he was 28.

He smiled. Then he laughed. "My parents couldn't get me to eat healthy as a kid!"

Her job coach sent me as email saying Beth needs to drink water while she's at work. It's hot and she needs to stay hydrated. We talked to her about it and suggested she bring her Disney travel mug to work. She can fill it with water there. I think she did that twice. She occasionally brings water but usually likes Sprite or Diet Root Beer instead. They even bought her a clear cup at Starbucks! Complete with straw! I think it was a hint.

Sometimes when we're dishing up for dinner, I'll do Beth's plate. She tends to put on too much and ends up eating every last bite. (I sometimes read, in awe, your posts about not being able to get your kids to eat. That was never an issue with Beth.) I suggests different foods for her to buy when we're at the grocery store. I always ask her to dance or exercise at some point during the day. I really do try. But she's 28 years old.

Where do I draw the line between continuing to treat her like a 7 year old and letting her be an adult and make poor choices, like we all do at times!!

Some people have said that I need to step in if her choices are causing harm, like the over eating. And sometimes I do. But I've been parenting for 28 years and sometimes I just want a break. I don't wanna parent every moment of every day anymore.

Then the other day I read the Jenny Hatch story. Have you heard about it? Jenny is 29, has Down Syndrome and wanted to live with her friends, a married couple who own the thrift store where she works. Her mom and step dad became her guardians so they could decide where she lives. Her mom just felt the group home was a safer choice for her. So they went to court and Jenny won. Her friends will now have guardianship and she will live with them. Only time will tell if Jenny's mom was right.

I felt sorry for Jenny's mom. We've all been there, 'I know my child better than anyone else...' doctors, teachers, friends? And now she's had her guardianship taken away. I can only imagine how devastated she is.

On the other hand, if Beth was so determined to live with them that she'd take me to court?? I think she would be okay living with friends. I would have encouraged Beth to live at the group home, but if Beth said she really wanted to live with her friends, I would have let her. She's an adult!

When that 18th birthday rolls around, everything changes. Your relationship, your influence, your authority. But when that child has special needs, it's hard to know where to completely let go, where to just guide, and where you'll still have to have authority. It's hard to know where to draw the line.

We Thought of You

Christmas morning we had The Christmas Carol on the TV while we opened presents. The noise in the room would usually follow the noise on the TV, louder, then softer.

We were at a break in the gift opening when the part came on TV where Scrooge is with The Ghost of Christmas Future and they are watching Bob Cratchit's house. We all got quiet as they showed the empty chair of little Timmy.

I said, "This makes me think of the children from the elementary school in Connecticut. I wonder what kind of Christmas their families are having."

The living room got quiet.

We talked about what the parents would do with all those unopened presents. Some of us mentioned, if it was us, that maybe we'd give them to a shelter.

Ryan said he'd probably keep them all.

The tears were flowing now.

Sharaya said she heard that one of the kids was into horses and that her parents had bought her new cowboy boots for Christmas this year. She said if it was her daughter, she'd definitely keep those.

We talked about maybe keeping a few special gifts. Putting them in a special place somewhere in the house. I mentioned Kristen's mom and how she's kept Kristen's room the same.

The kids agreed they'd probably do the same.

By now we were passing around the kleenex.

I thought of Carly and Brad's mom and dad. I thought of everything they've gone through in the last couple of years. I wondered what kind of Christmas they had this year.

My heart aches for all of them.

I pray you were able to find a little piece of joy at Christmas this year.