Questions about Beth's Boyfriend and The Hardest Thing About Caregiving

Hey everyone,

The conference at work went well. There were two main sessions, plus break out sessions during the day for the pastors, then one large event in the Sanctuary each evening where people from the congregation could attend. Friday nights event had over 1000 people. It was a glorious night of worship with David and Nicole Binion. They shared their new project The Revelation, and their new song The Letters just wrecked me.

To answer more of your questions - 

One reader asked about Beth's former boyfriend. He and Beth broke up a year or two after covid hit. Honestly, they weren't a good fit. He was very social, and she is very shy. He always talked about the two of them getting married and buying a house but Beth didn't want to do that. She came to me once in tears, "I don't wanna move out of our house!" But she'd never say anything to him about it. They're just very different people. And with covid they ended up not seeing each other for many months so they both decided to just end the relationship.

I sometimes wish she would find a guy that is more her type. Someone she could hang out with, go to dances, and someone to give her special gifts on her birthday and holidays. That is one thing her boyfriend was good at. He was always so thoughtful in the area of gift giving.

Mo asked, "What do you find most difficult about being Beth's full time caregiver?" The first thing that comes to mind is: the speed at which she lives. The word 'hurry' isn't in her vocabulary. She's just wired to do everything at a slower pace than the typical population. It takes her longer than normal to give a verbal response, to brush her teeth, to eat a meal, to get out of the car... The 'R' word is extremely offensive to most, but just like fire retardant slows down a fire, Down Syndrome slows down a person. Her slow speed sometimes makes me so frustrated.

One thing I've learned is to leave her notes. If she has someplace to be, I'll let her know when to wake up, what time to 'be upstairs and ready to walk out the door'. We've used that term for years. 'Be upstairs' doesn't mean she comes upstairs at that time, but that she's upstairs, has her hair done, has gone to the bathroom, has her jacket on, and is completely ready to go at that time. She does really well with these, they've helped a lot!

Another thing that makes caring for her difficult is her lack of communication. She can talk, she just chooses not to. When we're shopping she'll just walk away without saying anything. She won't tell us if she needs something or if she's hurting. It's a constant guessing game, "Beth are you okay?" "Beth is something wrong? Why are you crying?" Like the day I asked her if I could take some pictures of her. She said yes. Then we went outside and...

Every picture was like this. She never did tell me why she was upset. 

I can't help but wonder why she won't talk. I wish I knew. I have lots of theories. I'm trying to change the way I do some things. Adjusting here and there. Parenting is tough. You find yourself second-guessing every decision.

But one thing that is not hard about parenting Beth, is her ability to quickly forgive. That girl can be so mad at you and a few minutes later it's over. She doesn't hold a grudge. She never stays mad for long.  

It's been a journey that's for sure. She's a great lady and I'm thankful she's mine.