Do Your Photo Shoots Go Like This??

I was cooking dinner and Beth had Allison on her lap. She asked me, "Mom, I wan you take our piture." I got my camera, thinking it would be a cute one for the blog. (I think everything might be cute for the blog!)

This is how it went.....

"Allison, you silly girl! You need to put your cup down."

"Oh man! I keep forgetting to turn on the flash!

Hold on guys, sorry. Okay, lets try this again."

"Okay. That's not too bad! Let's do one more.

Beth I want you to smile, okay?"

"Oh careful Beth, you got her?

Allison hold on. Lets try again."

"Okay, not too bad! It's a good one Beth! I like it!"

Of course now dinner is burning and Allison is like a spider monkey trying to get off her lap. But we got it! We got a photo of Aunt Beth and Allison! Whew!

I bet your photo shoots go much smoother, right? :)

We've Moved Back to Italy, But She Still Only Speaks Dutch

We were all sitting out on the back patio the other night. Ryan, Sharaya and Allison had come over for Easter dinner on Saturday and after we ate, we went outside to play ball and sit by the fire.

I had set up enough chairs for everyone and it wasn't until I saw the empty chair that I realized Beth hadn't been told what we were doing. I went downstairs to tell her we were outside and she should come join us. A few minutes later she came out, wearing only a bathrobe. That's what it looked like anyway. She really did have on some shorts and a t shirt, you just couldn't tell. I gave her a blanket to cover her legs.

Now, there was Chuck, me, Diana, Sharaya, Ryan, Beth and 16 month old Allison. We talked about Allie and how much she's changing and how much she's learning. We talked about friends and movies and the fire and.... it was such a great evening. One I'll remember for a long time. It was getting pretty dark so we decided to go in and watch a movie. Ryan and Sharaya had seen this movie and they thought we'd like it so we decided to go inside. Sharaya grabbed Allison, Chuck put away the chairs, we brought in the blankets.... and that's when I saw Beth.

She was just sitting in the chair. Just sitting there watching us. That's when I realized she hadn't said one word all evening. And it hit me like a ton of bricks, she didn't fit in that night. It kills me to write those words. To come to the realization that we didn't make a conscious effort to include her. We spoke at our usual pace. It was fast and animated. We laughed and joked. We talked about our lives, the ones we live.... in Italy. (To use the famous Welcome to Holland poem.)

And seeing Beth sitting there I realized, she still lives in Holland. We don't. When we had Sharaya we moved back to Italy.

Chuck, Sharaya, Diana, Ryan and I all live... in Italy. We speak Italian. We lead the flashy, fast paced lives. Beth doesn't. Her life is still slower paced. She only speaks Dutch. The rest of us are fluent in both languages.

But too often we don't use Dutch. We've been in Italy for so long now, thats the language and lifestyle we've adopted. We just go so fast (compared to her world) and... I hate to even write this, but we leave her behind. This just brings up so many emotions for me. I'm her mom, and I've realized what we've been doing all this time. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

This happened on Saturday night and I don't think I will ever forget seeing her just sitting there. As we were cleaning up, she was watching us, like she was wondering what was going on. I wonder what parts of the conversation she grasped. What was she thinking that whole time?! The minute she understood what we were saying, did we move on to another subject? Did she spend that entire evening just trying to keep up??? Now I can't see the keyboard through my tears.

He Is Risen!

He is risen, indeed! I hope you have a very Happy Easter!

Remembering Carly

Carly Elizabeth George

1-2-2002 - 4-23-2010

I've been thinking about them today.
Please remember them in your prayers.

His Passion

His passion.... is you.

This week our church is having Sabbath Week. A time for us to slow down and reflect on who Christ is and what He's done for us. We've cancelled all our evening activities (even some of the morning Bible studies were cancelled) and encouraged everyone to have family devotions if you don't already. To eat together at the dinner table, to spend extra time in the Word.

Have you seen The Passion of the Christ? We watched it last night. It's such a powerful, emotional movie. Parts of it are hard for me to watch, I usually have my hand partially covering my eyes. It's mind boggling what He did for us. For me.

I think the most difficult part, for me, is at the very end when they take Him down from the cross. After seeing the unfair trial, the brutal beatings, knowing it was all for my sins, they remove him from the cross and as Mary caresses His face she looks up. Directly at me, as if to say, "You did this! You did this to my Son!!"

It gets me every time. I cry, I can't help it. Because I did do it! He endured all of that because God the Father wanted me back. My sins separated me from Him and He wanted me back. So His Son said 'Okay, I'll go through it. For her.'

For you.

The Doctor Called Yesterday

The nodules on my thyroid are benign!! Thank you Jesus! As a friend on facebook told me, now I can exhale. It really is like holding your breath. Waiting.... for something frightening or something glorious!

Thank you for your prayers. Out of His great grace and mercy, God answered favorably. I don't deserve Him or His healing.

But I do love Him.

No I Won't. Yes I Will. No I Won't.

When I'm trying to teach my kids, I find I'm the one who needs the training.

Our girls are grown; two still live at home and sometimes they don't hear their alarm clocks in the morning. A few months ago I told them I wasn't going to wake them up anymore. They were adults and if they don't wake up to their alarms, then they'll be late to whereever they needed to go. And for a few weeks I didn't wake them. We left them once on a Sunday. Diana ended up driving them after they woke up.

Diana learned the lesson. She has been great lately at waking up with her alarms. She's up, ready and out the door on time. But Beth... well she's still having a little trouble.

Then one time - it was only one time! - I ran downstairs and woke her up. Now I'm back to the usual routine, flipping on her lights, turning on her radio, explaining why she needs to wake up, what she'll get to do once she does wake up ("It's karaoke today!") and I'm right back to hating it. And she's back to sleeping in until I wake her up!

I need to tell her that I'm not going to wake her up anymore. She's an adult and if she doesn't wake up to her alarm.....   

I Wish My Mom Was Here to Send Me to My Room

I loved being sent to my room. I'd sit quietly and read. Or write in my journal. The housework or dinner or whatever would still get done on the other side of the door, but inside, it was quiet and comfortable and peaceful.

Today has not been any of those things.

Last night I went to bed with the worst case of dizziness that I've had in a long time. At 3 AM I tossed my pillow over the side of the bed to lower my head, then raised my feet in the air. SO dizzy. All through the night. Woke up thinking maybe it's all the tea I drink. Hot tea, cold tea... so I decided not to have tea today. So far so good. No dizziness and no headache do to the lack of caffeine!

Came out to the kitchen sink, turned on the faucet and water began pouring out from the cupboard onto the floor! I grabbed some towels and soaked everything up. Took out everything from under the sink and slopped up the puddle. The pipes are leaking. Terrific.

When to work to find our database system is still not working properly. Something about ports and proxy servers. Our IT says it's the database system. They say it's us. I run the database. We've had it three years. I left work crying. Again.

I came home early to get Beth because she had a doctors appointment. She was still in bed. Even though I wrote her note and told her what time to be up and ready... she was still in bed. My prodding and 'encouragement' :) didn't help her mood. She was slow and full of attitude the entire morning. The doctor checked her height, weight, looked at her feet, checked her hearing and eyesite.... wait. That's required for a sports physical!? They sure have gotten detailed.

Back to work and everyone is coming to me because they can't do their work on the database. I know. I can't do mine either. Ya know, 4:00 didn't come soon enough.

And tomorrow I go for my biopsy to see if I have thyroid cancer.

Can't I just hang out in my room for a few days?

Fun Photo Friday - Conversations With Papa

My girls called my parents Mama and Papa. My mom took these pictures of Diana chatting with Papa. I don't know what the conversation was about, but it sure ended well!

Did You See the Ticket Taker at The Elmer and Ernest Show?

The youth choir put on a dinner theatre last weekend to help raise money for a ministry trip in 2012. It was a variety show from the 20's. All the kids dressed in 20's clothes (or clothes that sort of looked like they were from the 20's. Do you know how hard it is to find outfits from the 1920's? Not too many clothes left from that era.)

Anyway, the kids had a great time! Beth was a ticket taker, standing at the entrance and taking tickets as all the guests came in. We spent two weeks looking for an outfit, but didn't find anything suitable for her. All the clothes (and people!) seem tall and pencil thin. So we found a pretty dress, a hat in the style of the 20's and Diana spent an hour putting her hair in pin curls. We decided to take them out (many of the girls left them in because that's what hair styles were like back then) and her hair looked so beautiful!

So, without further ado... here are some pics from that evening:

Why? Why Do I Treat Her That Way?

Why do I have to grill her about the hangers? Isn't it enough that she's come upstairs to get more hangers because I asked her to hang up her clothes? It seems every time I see her I tell her what to do, why to do it, how to do it, when to do it and who to do it with!!

No wonder she doesn't want me to watch her at Athletics or hides her face when I come into the room. When will I just allow her to live? Allow her to grow? When will I allow her to go about her day without being grilled about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g?

When will I learn??