Sunday, March 10, 2019

Feeling The Loss Again, Like I Did When She Was Diagnosed

We were at church a few weeks ago when a friend came up to us and whispered to Chuck, "What is your daughter's name again?"

He said hi to Beth and then reminded us that they were in the youth group together. Of course! He's in his mid thirties, he's a guy she grew up with and they had some of the same friends. 

He's her peer.

But he's also been married for years, has three children and is a financial officer. His life is very different from Beth's.

The stark differences just... I don't know. It just left me speechless. 

I know Beth is different from other people in their 30's but I hadn't really thought about it in a while.

I haven't thought about how far behind Beth is from other people her age in a long time. We're just sort of passed that and we're living our lives day to day just like everyone else. 

But after hearing him say they were in youth group together just brought it all back.

And he wasn't being mean at all. He's an a-m-a-z-i-n-g young man, an incredible father and husband. He just stopped to say hi to an old friend.

And I'm finding it hard to describe the lump I have in my throat because of it. Because my oldest daughter isn't like her peers. Not even close. 

You know how you watch your kids grow and change and it's not too big of deal, but when you haven't seen your friends kids in a year, it's like, "Oh my gosh they're so tall!" I think if Beth was around typical 30-somethings all the time, it wouldn't be that big of an issue. But she's not and the difference between those two was just huge.  

After re-reading this I think maybe I'm grieving again. It hit me - again - that my daughter isn't normal, that she has a diagnosis that changes her life and ours. She won't move out and get married and drive her kids back and forth to school and take vacations with her own family... but even if she does one or two of those things, it won't be the same as when Sharaya and Diana did them. 

It'll be much harder and she'll need constant support.

I guess I'm feeling the loss of a 'regular' life for my daughter. Especially after seeing his life and realizing the huge differences between the two.


Rebecca Jo said...

I can only imagine... I have to think its totally normal for you to grieve that... We always want the 'normal" for our loved ones. & I think we ALL envision the life we could have had. A "grass is greener" sort of thing. But we move on & see the beauty in the life we have & we keep PRESSING ON :) Hugs to you friend

ellen b. said...

I don't think grief ever goes away on this side of heaven, it just changes. Hugs.

Marilyn @ MountainTopSpice said...

Ellen said it beautifully above... and how true it is, that sometimes in the daily grind you can lose sight of the big picture, and in this case, it brought home the hurtful reality of what this entails for Beth and for you and your husband too... but on the flip side of that reality, how wonderful that Beth has grown up to live into her 30s, and to share her beautiful smile with those she meets, and the lives she touches with her sweet personality. I know it is a tremendous challenge that you will face alongside with Beth, but I do see too, how the Lord has enabled her to have this beautiful life with you and your husband at her side to encourage her along the way. Praying for you sweet friend for the pain that lays deep in your heart and that the Lord can bring comfort to you to carry you through. Much love to you!

Jill said...

What a blessing to have Beth for 30 years, she sounds like an amazing individual. What's even more amazing is having supportive parents like she does a blessing to her as well. No doubt there are struggles and heartache you and your husband face over wanting or hoping for more for her, but her normal is not the same as we perceive ours to be. I think as parents we all have different ideas for what we hope our kids become, but in reality there is so many different kinds of "normal" to accept. :-) Please take the time to grieve as it is so important to acknowledge those feelings... but know that your family's normal is perfectly ok too. Just be sure to take some time away just you and your husband if you can to stay connected and unwind as you can. Hard as that is, it's so necessary for going forward. I'm newer to your blog, but I see a lot of love here and enjoy reading about your family. Not sure if you journal or not, but I find that to be really helpful when i'm working through things and help take those worries off our hearts. Celebrate what she has accomplished and how happy she is and what an amazing job you both are doing as parents. Have a wonderful week!


Debby@Just Breathe said...

I cannot relate to your life but I do have love and compassion for you. Your daughter is blessed to have you as her mother. ((Hugs))