I Feel Horrible

The DART bus picks Beth up every Wednesday to go to karaoke and art classes. The bus arrives anywhere between 9:30 and 10:00. At 9:15 Beth was still in bed. She kept hitting her snooze alarm until the very last minute. She didn't wake up when I took the covers off or turned on her light. The third time into her room I took her backpack and told her I would fill it upstairs with the things she needed for the day. That worked! She was out of bed and dressed in a matter of seconds. No one touches her backpack.

She countinued getting ready, mumbling the entire time. It's now almost 10:00 and her bus pulls up. She is not happy as she hasn't had breakfast yet. I put it away for her as she mumbles something about it 'not being fair' then gets her backpack and purse off the couch. The bus driver is out of the bus now, waiting patiently in the front yard. I asked her if she is going to take the bag of crayons that she had wanted to donate to her friends and she says, "No. They have enough." Okaaaay.

Beth slowly walks back to the kitchen. "Beth what are you doing?" Without saying a word she s-l-o-w-l-y gets her bus tickets off the counter. Bus driver is still waiting. She then goes back to the livingroom. "Beth. You have to go!" She doesn't say a word but is moving even slower now. With one finger she picks up the plastic grocery store bag with the crayons in it and practically drags it across the floor, walking ever so s-l-o-w-l-y. As she gets to the door I lost it. I told her I was thinking about giving her a spanking and lifted my arm to do so. The movement of my arm scared her and she jumped. She looked at me with fear in her eyes and headed out the door.

I didn't spank her but I felt horrible. Why didn't I wrap my arms around her and smother her with kisses instead??? She still would have pushed me away but at least she would have started her day with love and not fear.