Sunday, July 30, 2017

Pretty Darn Close

School bag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning, 
waving good-bye with an absentminded smile.
I watch her go 
with a surge of that well known sadness 
and I have to sit down for a while. 


The feeling that I'm losing her forever
and without really entering her world.
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
that funny little girl.


Slippin' through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
the feeling in it
slippin' through my fingers all the time.

Do I really know what's on her mind?
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
she keeps on growing
slippin' through my fingers all the time.

Sleep in her eyes
her and me at the breakfast table
barely awake
I let precious time go by.
Then when she's gone 
there's that ol' meloncholy feeling
and the sense of guilt I can't deny.


What happened to those wonderful adventures?
The places I had planned for us to go?
Well, some of that we did
but most we didn't
and why I just don't know.



Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
and save it from the funny tricks of time,
slippin' through my fingers... 

This song is by Abba and is in Mamma Mia, a movie created around their music. I watched this again the other night and found myself crying (visualize: ugly cry) thinking of my two youngest girls. 

I don't know how many of you have children, but parenting is hard work. When they're small you're in the throws of potty training, packing lunches for school, doctor's appointments, signing permission slips, sleepless nights, volunteering in the classroom, helping with homework, teaching them how to take showers, clip their fingernails, chew with their mouths closed, how to behave in a restaurant... it's a constant blur of life.

And somewhere in there you plan birthday parties and vacations and music lessons and sleep overs. Then, before you know it they're grown up and everything stops. They're on their own and you stand back and watch them live their lives from afar.

I know I see Sharaya pretty often, sometimes a few times a week, but it's not the same as when she was living at home. And Diana, I've only seen her three times in the last 18 months. It's not a bad thing really. It's exactly what's supposed to happen, your kids grow up, move out and begin their own lives. The circle of life as they say.

So I started bawling when I heard this song again. It's hard to describe the feeling you have when your kids grow up and move away, but Slippin' Through My Fingers gets pretty darn close. 


Rebecca Jo said...

ahhh... they grow up so fast & while you want them to spread those wings, you want them to always fly close to home.

Billie Jo said...

Oh my friend...
This is so very true.
I am feeling this right now.
I miss my Madison so...but I know she is happy.
It all went so fast.

Caz said...

Yes x

Barb said...

Hi Cindy~

I love that song too...I listened to it again, and it is a tear-jerker! What cute pics of your girls, it's fun to remember them that way, so little and so sweet. I try to remember that they did not come with a manual, and I did the very best I could. I think if they know they are loved, that will make up for all the mistakes we think we made. I can tell you are a wonderful mom, no worries!


ellen b said...

Thanks for sharing the words with the photos. I think I'll avoid listening to it, thought. :) I'll definitely not share it with my sister in law who has her daughter and 2 grands living in New York and now her other two daughters are moving to Montana and Maui. Yikes. Sounds like you have a good attitude about them moving forward in their lives.