Friday, June 5, 2015

Independence is the Goal but Not Always the Outcome

We strive for independence. We try to teach so she can do it herself one day. We're patient as she struggles and struggles and then one day... success! Independence is achieved in that area! But one area Beth will never have independence in, is transportation.

The DART bus takes her where she needs to go for the most part, but anything spur of the moment? She's dependent on us.

If she gets home from work and remembers she needs something from the store? She has to ask us and hope we're willing to take her.

If she opens her fridge and sees she's out of something, she has to wait until we're going to the store before she can go too.

Have you ever been dependent on someone else for your transportation? It's a very humbling situation to be in. To always be asking, sometimes pleading for them to take you somewhere? You know you're putting them out, asking them to go out of their way to accommodate you and that's so hard!

I've been trying to take her places right when she asks. Even if the last thing I want to go is put my shoes back on, get back in the car and drive somewhere, I'm doing it.

Last night Diana took her to... actually I don't remember where they went. Target? The mall? Wherever they went, it was somewhere fun. As Beth says, "There's shopping, then there's 'shopping for fun'!" I think Beth bought a movie and a CD. Movies and music are her life!

Chuck worked at Centurylink for 19 years and took the Metro bus to work almost every day of those years while I took our van to work. When they closed his department, he got a job driving for Metro! Ironically, he can't take the bus to work anymore. Here in Seattle, you can't take the bus, to drive the bus. Hmm, I did not know that.

So Chuck took the van and I... walked. It's only about a mile but I was very limited in what I wanted to carry with me back and forth to work. Sometimes Diana would drive me, I asked friends at work for rides occasionally, but that was hard to do, ask people for rides. We've since bought a second car but walking back and forth to work reminded me what dependence feels like.

Dependency is hard, but in some ways it's needed in society. Without it, others can't give of themselves. We can get pompous and proud, and being humble goes right out the window. I'm not sure where I'm going with this except to say, I'm trying to be more spontaneous when Beth needs to go somewhere. 



Sara P. said...

Such an interesting thought-filled post Cindy!

Caz said...

You are so so good at looking at the world from another perspective and feeling as well as thinking through what that might mean. And sisters going off to who knows where to buy music and film sounds pretty good to me. Some things are better for having someone with you, and that has nothing to do with an ability to drive.

Laura said...

My daughter just turned 8 so this is quite a ways in the future however I'm quite certain it will be only her poor vision that will limit her ability to drive - She sees only 160/20. Here is the solution that I am crossing my fingers will be available by now: