Back When A Gallon Of Gas Was $1.21

Back when Ronald Reagan was President...
When a postage stamp cost only 20 cents...
When the Dow Jones high was just 1,287...
When the national debt was a mere $1.5 trillion...

Back in 1984...

On October 10...

Chuck and I had our first child.

We named her Elizabeth Meigan.

 

She was an easy baby. Slept through the night in the hospital; fussed only when she was hungry or wet... listening to other moms I knew I had it good!

 

 

 

Beth was born in the 10th month, on the 10th day, at exactly 10:00 at night. Pretty special, I think! She has taught me so much over the years, most importantly how to care for the really important things. It doesn't matter what you wear, what color hair you have, if your ears are pierced or not. What does matter is your heart and how you treat people. Do you arrive on time? Do you show respect to those around you? Are you helpful? Those things make a difference in our society and I hope I do as good a job as Beth does.

 

We love you so much Beth! Happy 29th Birthday! 

Seeing the World Differently

When Beth was born I remember searching for pictures and books that would show what our lives would be like when she got older. What do adults with Down Syndrome look like? How do they act? What are their families like?

With no internet back then, I basically had encyclopedias and outdated books from the library. The hospital gave us one that was in black and white and only had drawings, no photographs. I think it was from the 60's. To this day I remember the desire, the ache to know what life would be like when she was an adult. 

Today, I'm living in that future and it's not as big a deal as I first thought. If I had known someone who had a grown child with Ds and they told me that their child did this and that, I would have assumed Beth would do this and that too. But I'm older now and I realize that people with special needs are as different as everyone else. Just cause your child does something doesn't mean mine will and vise versa.

Our day to day life can be pretty boring. I keep teaching Beth, keep showing her how to do things. Things my other girls picked up naturally. Cell phones for instance. Beth turns her ringer off all. the. time. I got home home from work yesterday and went downstairs to say Hi. She immediately asked if I got her text. I told her I did and that I replied to her, did she get MY text? No. Then she started to dig in her purse to find her phone. Which means she sent me the text, then tossed her phone into her purse.

She called the house earlier today and I was out pulling weeds. By the time I got to the phone, she hung up so I called her back. It went straight to voice mail so I expect her ringer is off and she didn't hear it. So now I don't know if she was upset about something or just calling to tell me what she sang at karaoke or to ask what we're having for dinner tonight. I went back to pulling weeds and starting thinking about how I need to explain to her - again - about keeping her phone volume up and keeping it near her if she's texting or calling people.

Then I starting thinking about how I never had to explain that to Sharaya and Diana. They just knew. In fact, they explain things to ME, "Mom, we use vowels now when we text." Oh.

Beth still needs to be taught so many things that I figure she should just know. Like the phone thing. Or laundry. She pours the laundry soap in. POURS. I tried showing her the lid with the lines inside to help you measure... but those were hard for me to see, and I wondered if they were hard for her to see too. So I bought a small measuring cup and explained that she only needs a certain amount... problem solved. Now she uses the measuring cup every time.

What will life be like when your child grows up? Pretty basic. Some days will be down right boring. And it may look very different from ours. But I think, especially if your child lives with you into adulthood, that there will be times when the usual just won't work and you'll need to adjust. Adjust teaching methods. I think you'll always be teaching. And I think you'll see the world differently.

Through Her Tears

Beth called me at work yesterday. She was sobbing. Through her tears and her gasps for air she told me her bus had left. She was outside on the porch, sobbing.

As we talked she was able to calm herself down a little and the story emerged. She was in the bathroom brushing her teeth and when she came out, it was gone.

I wasn't surprised.

This is the note I put on the counter every Monday night:

Good morning Beth!
You get to go bowling today!
Set your alarm for 7:30 AM.
Wakey Wakey at 7:30 AM. 
Your bus comes at 8:45 AM.
Be upstairs and ready at 8:45 AM.
Have fun today!
Love you!
Mom

(Wakey Wakey is what Hannah Montana's dad used to tell her every morning.) I put a note like this on the counter every night, if Beth has someplace to be the next day. When to set her alarm and when to be ready to walk out the door. 

When the DART bus arrives at your house, you have 5 minutes to be outside. If you don't respond after 5 minutes, they have to leave to pick up the next client. They will ring the doorbell, call you, they really go out of their way to give these riders an opportunity to respond.

Unfortunately, Beth has developed a habit where, when her bus pulls in, she goes in to brush her teeth, wash her face, etc. When they ring the doorbell, no matter how much I coax, she won't answer it. I end up telling them 'just one more minute.'

Yesterday I was at work so when they rang the doorbell, Beth ignored them. When they called the house (I heard the voice mail when I got home) she didn't answer the phone, so... they left.

It hurts so much to watch your kids learn a lesson the hard way. Especially when they're adults. You can't spank them or ground them or insist they do things your way. When they become adults, all you can do is give advice. Offer suggestions. And hope. And pray.

When they look the other way or choose not to take the advice, sometimes it works out fine and they're able to figure it out on their own, but when it doesn't, it is the hardest thing for a parent! You wanna rush in and fix it, make it better. But you can't.

Sitting at work yesterday all I could tell Beth was, "I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry Beth".

Last night we asked her what she could do differently in order to make it to her bus on time and she repeated all the things we've been trying to tell her. This morning, she was up, dressed, teeth brushed, breakfast eaten and coat on before DART even arrived!

That big blue and white bus pulled into our driveway and Beth was on the front porch as the driver was coming off the bus! She missed bowling yesterday. She sure wasn't going to miss art and karoake today!

Why? Why Do I Treat Her That Way?

Why do I have to grill her about the hangers? Isn't it enough that she's come upstairs to get more hangers because I asked her to hang up her clothes? It seems every time I see her I tell her what to do, why to do it, how to do it, when to do it and who to do it with!!

No wonder she doesn't want me to watch her at Athletics or hides her face when I come into the room. When will I just allow her to live? Allow her to grow? When will I allow her to go about her day without being grilled about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g?

When will I learn??

I'm Always Learning

Beth will be 26 in a few months. Some days I think I've learned all there is to know about Down Syndrome. Other days I realize I still have so much to learn. Our kids may all have Down Syndrome, but they can be as different from each other as every other kid on the playground.

For Beth, we've learned to be patient. It has not been an easy lesson. My youngest daughters and I are fast walkers. Not speedy, but when we walk through the mall, we're movin' at a decent pace. Not Beth. She saunters. Everywhere. I have learned not to take her when I am short on time. It will only lead to frustration and tears. I know. Trust me. Now the mall is only for casual strolls.

We have learned not to give up. Completely. We have given up on occasion. Potty training for instance. We started when Beth was 4 years old. Gave up when she was 5. Started again at 6. Success at 7! Sometimes it's all in the timing.

We've learned that sometimes it's all in the timing.

We've learned that I don't know how to fly the Space Shuttle. And Beth doesn't know how to ride a bike. There are some things Beth will never be able to do. She rode a small, red trike. Then a two wheeler with training wheels. She never learned to balance without the training wheels. She tried! Lord knows she tried. Eventually, the training wheels broke (she just got too big for them.) She's never riden a bike since. She will never drive a car. And I will never be the captian of a cruise liner.
And we're okay with that.

We've learned not to take it personally. When Beth is angry at me for making her brush her hair or bring a jacket, she can be heard yelling, "I hate you! You not my mom!" Beth is not the only one of our children to express their dislike for our parenting skills.

This last lesson was the most difficult of all.

We've learned there will be bullies in our lives. In mine. In yours. Even Beths. Beth has had rocks thrown at her while walking home from school. She had an adult flip her off while she sat in the car. I had a doctor say she looked weird. Beth was born in San Diego. The first day was filled with specialists and social workers and family. At the end of the day, the woman I shared the room with pulled back the curtain that separated our beds and asked me about Beth. The next morning (the curtain was closed) she asked her doctor (well she whispered to him) if her baby had Down Syndrome. Her doctor laughed. He couldn't see me and obviously didn't know the situation. She asked him again and he said, "Downs babies look weird. You'd know it if you had one!" And he laughed again as he headed down the hall. Bullies come in all shapes, sizes and occupations. Be prepared for them. You might not be able to stop their comments or insults, but you can educate them.

I take comfort in Jesus' words to his Father, "They do not know what they are doing."

(Over the years I've come up with a scenario for that doctor. I imagine he looks like the Ken doll. Young, clean cut. He goes back to the lounge that is filled with other doctors, nurses and maybe an EMT for good measure. He speaks loud enough for all to hear, "Guess what one of my patients just asked me?!" All eyes and ears are on him now because these professionals have heard some good ones, I'm sure. Then he says it, with a high, man trying to sound like woman voice, "Does my baby have Down Syndrome?!" He laughs alone, because everyone else in the room knows what he does not. An older, wiser doctor asks him, "What room is your patient in?" He stifles his laugh long enough to answer. "Why?" He is stunned at the news. Angry at himself for making such a sad, thoughless, rookie mistake. He stands at the nursery window looking at Beth. This absolutely gorgous child.... and a tear... falls... down his cheek.)

And then I feel so much better!!!