When I was at my sisters last week Beth got up on her own, did her own hair and got out the door on time. But often when I'm here she depends on me too much. I know most of that is my fault.
So I've decided to let her continue to do things on her own. I got up this morning at 7:00 - out of habit - but busied myself in the kitchen, watered some plants, when I realized she wasn't even up yet. I started to go downstairs to check on her but then I remembered. 😊
She came upstairs a few minutes later, and you could tell she had just woken up. I stayed in the kitchen to watch for the bus (they ring the doorbell and we still had three people asleep) and I poked my head out the door when it arrived a few minutes later. The driver asked if Beth was ready and I told her I would check. She held up five fingers, "I can only wait five minutes."
Beth was back downstairs by now so I went down - she was dressed and fixing her lunch. I told her the bus needed to leave by 7:27.
Beth never learned to tell time with an analog clock. They taught it in school, I have workbooks here at home that I would have her do. And in fact, I still have some of those books and worked with her on them even a few years ago. But it's something she just never grasped.
(I was going to write how it took her 30 minutes to finally get ready but by then her bus had come and gone. She stood at the window just staring out at the empty driveway, then turned and went downstairs.)
But there's a complete change in story now. I thought she just didn't set her alarm last night. But as I was writing the italicized paragraph she sent me a text:
'my alarm is 7:23 and my microwave too your oven and microwave is backward.'
I went downstairs and sure enough the time was 8:11 but her alarm clock and microwave read 7:15. I asked her if there was a power outage while I was at Aunt Debbie's and she shrugged her shoulders.
So now I feel horrible that she missed her bus. It's things like this that make me realize we need help. I want to talk with her case worker about putting her on a different waiver with the state, and that will give us more support. Someone who will come in and help her with hygiene issues, help her clean her apartment, and even take her on fun outings.
I guess I'm the one who's learning a tough lesson this morning.
9 comments:
Our mom jobs are not easy. I hope you can get the added help you need.
I just retired in November but my job was to find services for adults with disabilities. Every client had a budget and we support coordinators worked with it. In my state since she attends a day program and gets transportation she probably wouldn’t get much personal supports or companion services. Some folks would limit their days at the day program. Our day programs were usually 6 hours though- 8 to 2 pm. It’s worth talking to your case worker though. Nan
I'm sorry that it's so hard sometimes. Hope you can get the help for that she needs.
We all have lessons, Cindy. A good one, probably for ll to learn but a toughie. I do hope she can get assistance -- that would be extremely helpful. Do you live near a university? There might be someone -- a student or grad student -- who would be a responsible partner.
Hi Cindy~ That was a hard lesson learned. With these, sweet kids, it's hard to know what they need to learn, or what we need to do to help them, especially with some of those hard things. I know my daughter struggles with this as well. I hope you can get that extra help for Beth, she would probably love it, and it would give you a boost as well. Hugs, Barb
I'm sorry to hear what you have been going through and that she missed the bus. I wonder why the clocks were different. Hopefully you can get some help from the state. Keep all of you in my prayers. Take care and God Bless.
I'm sorry about the lessons learned for you and for Beth. I will add your waiver change to my prayers!! Please keep us posted. xo
Keeping you and Beth in my thoughts as you work through this and seek some better options for her for the future. (((hugs))) Don't be too hard on yourself! Those kinds of things happen to all of us. Power outages, etc., create havoc with clocks and alarms!
You have done so well and continue to do so well, Beth is blessed and is a blessing. You guys make a dynamic duo. But sometimes my daughters did better when someone else stepped in to help. And maybe, as you suggested, you need to ask for a little more outside help for Beth. It might be received by her better than help, advice, suggestions, parenting from her mom. We have all had with time trouble after a power failure. Maybe having a battery-operated clock as a third option would be good. Of course, then someone has to check to be sure the batteries haven't died. I get so mad over here because I only watch TV in my loft about once or twice a month, and the batteries are ALWAYS dead in my remote.
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